Who Should Take The Lead In The Bedroom?

Who Should Take The Lead In The Bedroom?

There is only one answer - THE MAN!

Why is that?

Well, we have a saying, 'whatever happens outside of the bedroom will happen inside the bedroom'

If the man is not running his life the way that he wants, if he is feeling controlled by his woman, he is likely to do one of 2 things:

1. Give into her way of doing things, fit in with her timings, do as he's told and feel an underlying resentment towards her which can result in lack of intimacy or
2. Live a life that meets his needs outside of the relationship ( even if thats just in his mind) and maybe just return for sex

You see a man needs to feel in charge of his life and his woman. This, of course, needs to be a healthy, loving man who wishes to meet his womans needs as well as his own. If in doubt read all our blogs on what women want!

So if he's in charge and decides for both of them about life and intimacy they will have a better connection and therefore more fulfilling love making.

So, the woman has a role to play too. We are not suggesting that if a man is 'behaving badly' that you should put up with it or give into inconsiderate demands for sex. What we are saying is to look honestly as to whether you are in charge in this relationship or not.

If you know you are, trust me, you will never have the kind of intimacy you desire with any man.

All men react badly to 'a woman in charge'

So girls, you need to trust him and let go. Do read the other blogs on what men want.

So now we understand who needs to be in charge here, most men ask for the 'paint by numbers'!

So here is the bottom line:

MEN need to make time for 'intimate time'. This is outside (before lovemaking) and inside the bedroom. He needs to be in a great space himself, not stressed and grumpy and dying for a release! He needs to understand that his woman needs time to get even more relaxed so that lovemaking is a beautiful experience. He needs to prepare the bedroom in a way that meets her needs. This may be candles, soft lighting etc and definitely tidy with no interruptions.

WOMEN need to get themselves in a space where they are ready and open to being loved. So maybe making sure the kids are settled, the house is calm, work is put away and you've had a long relaxing bath? Whatever works for you. And even if your man is still slightly stressed you could give him a non sexual massage (the intention is not to get him excited, this will only lead to a quick sexual release not true intimacy) or whatever else relaxes him

So once both of you are out of stress and talking intimately with each other, it might be the right time to go to the beautifully prepared bedroom for lovemaking...

So who makes that decison?

Yes HIM!

Love, enjoy each other....

Nicki Vee x

Need to talk to us about your personal intimacy? please book a initial consultation on our home page on http://www.tonyandnickivee.com/

Get It Together Before You Go To Bed

So how do you, 'Get It Together Before You Go To Bed?'

And, maybe more importantly, what are the consequences if you don't?

Well firstly, to get it together, you both need to find ways to get really connected to each other intimately before you go to bed because the consequences of not doing so could significantly and detrimentally affect your sex life and ultimately it could ruin your whole relationship!

And why do we say that this is the most important thing to get right for all couples?

Well, it's because if you are not connected intimately before you have sex you are likely to be having an individual experience instead of a shared one!

The 4 things that go wrong are:-

• You are both completely focused on other things such as work, the kids, television, the computer etc etc
• You are either thinking I want to have sex to relieve some tension or you are thinking I don't want sex at all
• The woman decides when, where, and how you have intercourse
• There is no preparation of the bedroom, it is a mess or clinically tidy!

NONE OF THESE WILL GIVE YOU A FABULOUS INTIMATE EXPERIENCE!

Which of them do you know you do?

And what's the alternative?

The 4 things that will create intimacy and beautiful love making:-

• Here's the thing - Intimacy and passion happens ONLY when the man takes the lead so he needs to make sure that time is created for 'getting it together!'
• During that time do your utmost NOT to talk about work, the kids, problems etc
• Do whatever you need to do to get yourself in a more relaxed state so that you are not stressed or frustrated when you move towards your partner
• Men to prepare the bedroom so that it feels like the kind of atmosphere that a woman could relax in. Women to prepare yourself so that you are open to being loved

So there it is, the simple philosophy that will give you a very different experience both inside and outside of the bedroom!

Nicki Vee x

For more on Love, Sex & Intimacy go to http://www.intimaterelationships.tv/

How To Make A Man Feel Fantastic

So the biggest reaction we get from women when we start to talk about how to make a man feel fantastic is that they say, 'Why should I, when he doesn't do it for me?'

You see, thats the problem with the way the world has gone in terms of intimate relationships. We have so got into the practicalities of dating or marriage or living together that we have forgotten about romance and meeting each others needs.

I spoke to a woman last night who phoned for advice as to whether she should quit her job that takes her away from home a lot. You see the problem is that actually she felt that her relationship was better because she was away. It was more 'practical'. It meant they could manage their finances, kids, house chores etc in a way that met both their needs. So why was she really ringing? Because there is no passion or romance in her relationship.

Just like the single woman who suggested to her date the easiest place for them to meet which was more 'practical' for them both, transport wise. Even before the date she was telling me that she would have much preferred for him to have come to pick her up. No good reason, it just would have felt better. She would have felt more cherished and feminine. So is it any wonder that he then asked her for half the money to pay in the restaurant. How far away from romance has this date got?

You see girls, if you make practical decisions you will create a relationship that is built on that. So romance will be nil.

So I hear you ask what do we do?

Ok, men are simple creatures they just want you to acknowledge what they do great. So example, our single girl, how would it have been different if when she met him before he asked her out that she had asked him questions about his life and that she had told him what she admired about him?

Could it be that because he felt fantastic hearing her say that that he starts to think about how he could make this woman happy? Is it possible he could have thought...I wonder if she would love to be picked up and looked after by me on a date and how good would it feel to treat her to a fabulous meal somewhere special...

Do you see where I'm coming from girls?

And it is no different whether this is your first date or you've been married 35 years.

So, first thing is to acknowledge everything he does great. This is everything from handling the landlord/mortgage problem/restaurant booking to changing a light bulb. It could be overcoming a problem at work/having an inspired plan or saying something nice about your mother.

And watch it work every time! And guess what? That is when his whole focus will go towards romancing you.

Then you can add in his individual needs. This could be watching Top Gear with him without talking or giving him a long foot massage. Or it could be asking him how you could help him to prepare for an important business meeting. The important point here is NOT to make the decisions of what he needs for him. Always, always ask him what he wants! And then leave him to decide.

And if you are a fast pace woman you may need to practise a little patience! We call it leaving the gap. If you are really struggling, waiting for his decision, use my questions (to yourself):

'Is this a life or death situation?! Am I willing to forego passion and romance in my relationship just because I want to know now what is going to happen in the future? Could I live with the prospect of this not happening at all?

Of course it is never a life or death situation, it is always going to be about your habit of leading in this relationship. So all that has to happen is for you to kick that habit. And what will happen if you don't? My guess, more disconnection and no romance.

So girls, do let me know how this all works for you. Oh, and have a look at your beliefs. Are you imagining that this will work for everybody else except you, because your man is a lost cause. How is that belief helping?! Have a positive expectation.. trust the future... its feminine to do that.

Lots of love, Nicki x

How To Romance A Woman

The biggest thing men say when they are desperately trying to make intimate relationships work is, 'How Do I Make A Woman Happy?!'

They say,'I've tried everything; What do they really want?!'

Well, here's the answer guys and it may surprise you...

1.They want you to take charge.

2.They want you to make the decisions.

3.They want you to know what a woman wants at her core.

4.They want you to know their individual needs.

So what has this got to do with ROMANCE?

Everything...

1. & 2.
So the first 2 are easy, take charge and make decisions, we've been saying that to you practically every week and we don't have to remind you what happens if you don't do we? Ok, yes what happens is woman plays up in her own unique way. That may be taking control herself, moaning, telling you what to do, or running her addictions whatever those are, etc etc...

3.
Ok, so the next biggy, what does she really want, ok lets keep it real simple, to feel safe and secure, looked after and cherished. This can be anything from walking road side on the pavement to dealing with an angry landlord. If you want your woman to be feminine and vunerable you need to protect her from the 'dragons' as we would say. And cherished, what does that look like? If you're in a relationship do the man's stuff, handle the house, garden and car maintenance, decide when you're going on that trip, solve the kids issues at school, create a fantastic surprise for her. If you're single, tell her where you're taking her and what time you're picking her up, make sure she's warm enough, take her a gift that you know she loves and you hold the tickets!

4.
And finally, find out what her individual needs are. This is as simple as remembering what film she wanted to see and what her interests are. Does she talk about art, football or fashion? All women love a surprise, even if she hates the food she is so much happier that you chose the restaurant rather than asking her to book it. All women love chocolate, flowers, cards and pretty things for their home! And if she says she doesn't, she's either lying or you have done such a shit job of looking after this woman that she's testing the hell out of you! And, if you give into it you've failed the test. The solution is to go back to point 1 & 2, take charge and make the decisions, it will always work if you do it with enough certainty about you.

Thats it, how to romance a woman. Sound like hard work guys? Well yes it requires some effort but the rewards are incredible.

Imagine spending the evening or life with a happy woman who looks up to you, shares her love with you and is looking to find out what makes you feel fantastic.

So girls, for How To Make A Man Feel Fantastic - see next weeks TNTV & Blog.

Need more information, education and solutions on this or any intimate relationship issue? go to http://www.intimaterealtionships.tv/

Love, Nicki Vee x

Intimate Stuff - When Do We Sleep Together?

When Do We Sleep Together?

Once you have decided that this is the kind of person you might want to share your life with.

"What??!! Surely that's from the ark ages, we need to know if sex is good before committing!"

So let me explain why Tony and I have come to the conclusion that you need to wait, you need to get to know how each other live, you need to understand what each others patterns and behaviours are, and also what you both want.

You see, Tony and I have seen so much pain in intimate relationships because couples have 'got intimate' before they really know each other.

It throws a complete spanner in the works.

It means that you are physically as close as you can be with someone you don't know.

But thats not the big problem!

Oh god what??!!

Men and women view having sex differently.

Men, according to Tony, unless they are very evolved in which case they would definitely wait, are driven by when they can have that great feeling again. The feeling of an orgasm.

Women, and some of us lie about this, are thinking about the long term relationship, marriage, babies, houses etc etc....

A bit of a difference - Yes?

So our infamous saying is 'wait six weeks' or 'see someone 20 times'. We know that sounds old fashioned but think about it, how well has sleeping together quickly worked for you in the past?

How would it be if this time waiting works and you experience intimacy like never before....

For all your intimate relationship issues to be resolved once and for all why not consider our 5 Day Immersion in Austria? Or If you want to meet us first and start the process we are in London once a month.

Love, Nicki x

P.S. comments or questions email me on tnv@tonyandnickivee.com

Relationship Advice: How Do I Know If He/She Is Right For Me?

How Do I Know If He/She Is Right For Me?

That's the question we get asked most often by Single Men & Women.

So here is the Top 3, short and best answers!

1. Firstly, stop judging people by their looks. The difficulty with just looking at whether this person is 'your type', fanciable or hot is that 'looks' alone will never tell you whether you are in the same energy, whether you are compatible, share the same values and outcomes in life and above all whether you are able to meet each others core and individual needs. So as Tony says, 'stop judging and get in the pool'.

2. Get in the pool - spend time with people that you are drawn to for other reasons than looks. This could be someone who is just in great energy, or someone who has a fabulous outlook on life or someone who shares the same interests as you. Getting in the pool will give you the opportunity to get to know a person and to get a very clear understanding as to whether you can get on really well, whether you have the same or similiar desires in life and whether you can both really be 'yourselves'. You see if you have a mask on, trying to be someone you're not, then you will be most likely have a relationship with his/her mask too.

3. Spend at least 20 times together before getting intimate! You may think this is a very old fashioned piece of advice BUT we have seen so many people get intimate before they really know each other and then they find it hard to continue the 'getting to know each other' process. Getting to know each other must incorporate spending time together in your natural environments, time with others around, maybe even in stressful situations. These times will give you an insight into who this person really is. Is he/she different with family or friends? Does he/she take great care of their home environment? How does he/she deal with unexpected stressful situations? We always say, see how he/she lives his/her life without you so that you can tell how easily and smoothly your lives could fit together. It is pretty impossible to be non - attached to whether this will happen or not if you have been intimate hence why we advise you to have time together without the hormones jumping around!

So that is our 1-2-3 of how to know if this is the right person for you.

Watch next week for more about when is the best time to sleep together...

Any questions? Email us on tnv@tonyandnickivee.com

Nicki Vee x

Relationship Advice: A Nightmare - The On/Off Relationship

The interesting thing about past relationships is that we often reflect back on them and say to ourselves - what if?

What if I'd have known then what I know now.

What if he/she had been truly available to have a full on relationship with me.

What if she/he or I had got over that trauma/addiction/fear/problem - might it of actually worked out?

What if we had been living nearer to each other? had enough money? hadn't got the kids?

Well of course for many the answer is you'll never know. We can only tell you that our observation is that 'more than the issue' has to be right for it to work. In Tony and Nicki speak, 'both parties have to be at least aware if not free of their old habits and patterns and living in their core masculine/feminine energy for a relationship to stand a chance.'

But what of the people that go back, often time and time again, to the same relationship to try and make it work?

If this is you, you may be aware of the reasons but what we notice is that most people do that, go back, because of this:

• One or both parties don't believe that they can have a relationship that is better than, more healthy than, one that they have had in the past. They don't feel good enough to live alone needing a relationship to feel complete and so take the easy route and return to a past relationship believing that this time it might work out. These people most often stay in a lot of what we call 'intimate connection' with their former partner so that they feel that they have 'somebody to talk to'. This intimate connection is often telling this person your intimate thoughts but not having sex. This feeds the leaver's guilt complex and sadly, the one who has been left, gets mixed messages and the crumbs of a relationship.
• Another reason is that the leaver thinks that he or she can help the partner to 'get better'. This is an arrogance and feeds the passive needs of the victim who has been left. They confuse caring or fixing for attraction and committment.
• The one who is left behaves in a different way whilst separated and promises that they will behave like this, consistently, if only their partner will give them a chance. Sadly the relationship is often the very thing that triggers the old behaviour and so quickily you are back where you were. Any dysfunctional behaviour is best dealt with outside of a relationship, however if you put yourself first you could change your habits and most importantly, get dramatically different results, within a relationship, as long as your partner is willing to see how they contributed to its demise.

So in summary, be realistic when you consider returning to a relationship that wasn't working and that caused you pain.

Get very aware as to what you did that caused it to 'not work' and be careful about what communication you have with your ex. Be honest, is it, 'just what needs to happen' or are you attempting to 'stay close' to meet your own needs?

Only you know the truth.

For more on this and other decisions about intimacy go now to http://www.intimaterelationships.tv/

Tony and I are here to help you now, Nicki Vee x

To View This Weeks Video Go To One Of Tony & Nicki's Channels : YouTube, MySpace, Metacafe, Google, Break, DailyMotion, Blip.tv, Veoh, Crackle, Imeem and Howcast

Relationship Advice : Should I Stay or Should I Go Now?

In the words of the song....Should I Stay Or Should I Go Now?

Here is a very common dilemma for both men and women...

The reason it is very common is that we (men and women) find it difficult to make this decision.

We have committed or semi committed to another person and now we are not sure. It isn't how it was in the beginning and now we are disconnected, not attracted to each other and often having disagreements.

So what do you do?

Well firstly you have to look at how you're behaviour has caused this relationship to deteriorate.
Then you have to stop finding the other person at fault. Then you have to speak your absolute truth.

This truth is not what you feel about him/her or what he/she has done that you can't tolerate.
It is what's been going on for you. What you have been thinking and how you have been behaving.

Because here's the truth, when we start to be disconnected from our partner and we stop being attracted to them we often start to behave differently in order to meet our own needs.

So if you are the person wanting to go you must look at what you have been doing that has caused this relationship to fail and for the intimacy to be lost.

If you are the person who is being 'left' you too must decide what you have done to drive your partner away.

The extra special magical thing that can happen when this level of truth is spoken is that the old connection can come back. It may not be enough to save the relationship but it will definitely make splitting up easier and who knows you might re-ignite the spark.

Also if you don't learn what has gone wrong in this relationship it is pretty odds on that you will repeat this unconscious behaviour and get the same result next time. Something to seriously think about...

For much, much more on this go to http://www.intimaterelationships.tv/ and join our Home Study Course. This month's video and exercises are all about this subject and how to make the decision should I stay or should I go now.

To Watch the vidoe 'Shall I Stay Or Shall I Go - go to any of Tony & Nicki's Video Channels : YouTube, Yahoo, MySpace, Metacafe, Google, Revver, Break, DailyMotion, Blip.tv, Veoh, Crackle, Imeem, Viddler and Howcast

Nicki Vee x

Your Blog Coach

Relationship Advice: Is It Possible To Love Too Much?

What is the most difficult habit to spot that will ruin your intimate relationships but seems like 'loving' behaviour?

The pattern of Loving Too Much.

This is most common in, but not exclusive to, women.

So what does it look like and why does it ruin intimate relationships?

Ok here is why its subtle. It looks like being the perfect partner. It looks like being loving, understanding, patient and caring.

You can spot 'Women Who Love Too much' because they always have a partner who has problems. Maybe he has addictions, or he has mood swings or habits that he 'can't help'. He is always sorry when he has been difficult, aggressive, silent or he has huge problems at work again. She always lets it go, puts him first, walks on egg shells, until the next time.

All her conversations are about his challenges, how he can be so fantastic and what can she do to help him when he isn't? How can she understand his problems more so that she can 'make him better'? All the magazines and books she reads are so that she can find things that may help his situation.

Mostly she says, "but I love him." THIS IS NOT LOVE. Its not anything like what real love is between two healthy human beings. This is dysfunctional, co dependant behaviour. Women Who Love Too Much need to understand their problem is as bad as his because they are allowing this negative energy to be present in their lives and often in the lives of their children. It is all about not feeling good enough. It is all about feeling fearful that he will fall apart without you. It is all about thinking he will change if you just do more for him.

Men who are drawn to women who do this are normally in a weakened state. They look for a strong woman to 'look after' them; Of course men who go to their woman with their problems are playing the victim and if she doesn't know any better she reacts to it by 'mothering' him. This will never give them a healthy relationship, polarity or attraction.

Men do 'loving too much' too. They look for women with problems to fix and then re-enforce the behaviour by always being there to help.

Both men and women who love too much are re-enforcing this victim behaviour by helping. It is best to leave your partner to find a solution for themselves or it will never end. And it will keep happening in any future relationships unless you stop and really understand your own pattern.

We had a woman here in Austria last weekend who summed it up for me. She made the classic remark, saying, "well who else was going to clear up the mess when he came home drunk, wrecked the place and was violently sick?"

Not you honey bunch thats for sure. When are you going to put you first? When are you going to stop waiting for him to change? When are you going to stop making excuses for him? When are you going to let him know this is unacceptable?

The best thing that happened was when she started to see that she was massively contributing to the problem. When she recognised her own pattern.

When my second husband was threatening suicide because I couldn't put up with it any longer his sister phoned me and said, "Its your fault". "What?" I screamed. "Yes," she said, "if you hadn't put up with his behaviour in the first place he would have had to get himself sorted out." Well whether he would of or not, I could have saved myself years of pain and anguish for me and my son if I'd had a good long hard look at me.

So if you recognise yourself as a woman (or man) who loves too much do get in touch so that we can help you find a more empowering way to live your life and a more healthy way to share your love with another human being.

To view the video you can go to any of tony & Nicki's video channels : YouTube, Yahoo, MySpace, Metacafe, Revver, Break, DailyMotion, Blip.tv, Veoh, Crackle, Imeem, Sclipo, Viddler and Howcast

Sending you love,

Nicki Vee x

P.S. Recommended read - Women Who Love Too Much by Robyn Norwood.

Relationship Advice - Sex & Money 4

Are you one of those people who others talk about saying 'Yes, He/She Has It All'?

So many people believe that if they had Loads Of Money that they could 'Have It All', that they would be happy, and that their Intimate Relationship Problems would go away!

If only that were true!

Both Tony and I have experienced being very wealthy in our lives and we can both emphatically tell you that it does not equal happiness especially in your intimate relationships!

Why is that?

Well it's often different for men and women ...

For men, having loads of money can often mean that they can easily attract women or that a woman will stay with them for security or because of their great lifestyle. This is because some of the qualities that cause a man to be successful financially are often seen as very 'masculine' by women. This could be their certainty and confidence in themselves, their power to influence others and their ability to 'have what they want'.

The problem is that, in many cases, their other behaviour does not meet their partners needs at all. This can be an inordinately high drive for more success and/or more sex, an addiction to various things that help them 'come down' from the stresses of their business life and/or constantly being drawn to distractions such as sport, the pub, television, more work and worst case, other women. These behaviours leave little or no time to nurture a new relationship or sustain the attraction within a longer term one. Often women feel second best to 'the business' or even his hobbies and can become demanding, needy, nagging and sometimes even drawn to create their own 'separate life'.

All of this can look like a dream life from the outside but, if the wealthy couples that we coach are anything to go by, this can lead to massive disconnection, mistrust, constant arguing and a lack of true intimacy.

So men, you want to know the answer?

Put the same kind of attention to loving your woman that you would give to your business. Find out her real needs. Often what she says she wants is only the surface need and of course the mistake many rich men make is to try to 'buy' peace, harmony and a happy woman! Give her your time and your certainty about life with you that is not linked to your bank account. Don't try to please her, live the life you want to live or she will never really 'trust you', if she can sway you she will believe the world can. Oh, and learn what it takes to really make love to a woman, this is very different than having sex!

Now I know that sounds a bit confusing, women are complicated beings, so why not call us for more clarity! Tony always says it took him a long time to really learn this stuff but the rewards are unbelievable...

So women who 'have it all', what happens for them?

Can they have it all, or like the men, do they find that in many cases that having a lot of money negatively affects their love life?

Sadly yes, the women that we have coached all say the same. I have it all except for a great relationship!

So why is this? Well fundamentally most women who have made it financially have used quite a lot of masculine traits in order to be successful. This is attractive to more 'feminine' men and a complete turn off to 'masculine' men. You see even if a woman attracts a man who is equally successful there will not be the polarity/attraction long term because he doesn't really want to be 'equal' (the same) or in competition with his intimate partner.

So I hear you ask what the hell do we do? We don't want to be with a feminine man who depends on us and we want to be with a masculine man who loves us as we are.

Well there are two stages - firstly of course you can be successful in your own right BUT you need to learn to do that in a feminine way so that you have polarity with a masculine man. You need to take your right foot off the accelerator (gas pedal)! My experience was that as soon as I stopped pushing, driving, striving and forcing for more success that I started to feel and act more feminine and I DID NOT become any less successful by doing that, in fact, I earned more! I also felt more at peace and more relaxed. I definitely showed up differently with men and therefore miraculously started to attract a completely different kind of man.

Secondly, I put my attention towards my social, relationship and home life rather than fit it around work as I had in the past. I put 'him' first and my work didn't suffer at all. My selection process was much better though, I chose to spend time with men that I respected and admired.
Eventually he found me and my life and work fitted perfectly into his.

This is what worked for me as a successful, single woman and the same will work for you if you are in a relationship with a successful man. True intimacy and long term attraction will happen if you 'let him be the man', trust him to look after you and learn to be in your feminine but be careful that does not look needy or demanding. If you need more clarification on that email me now!

And finally if you are a successful woman who is in a relationship with a man who is not, you may be concerned as to how this relationship can work better. Its a little complicated to handle in full here but look at the options listed above that apply to single women and do the same. Probably the only way that this relationship will work is for you to let go of being 'in charge' and to absolutely know that underneath he is a real man who has just lost his way. The way to assist him to get back on track is to let go yourself and to ask him for help. All real men respond magnificently to a woman asking for help. And if he doesn't then maybe we do need to talk...

Finally woman who are successful can often find it complicated in the bedroom too. They are either very confident and getting a lot of sex that isn't fulfilling as its more like sexual athletics or they are too busy and tired for any sex at all. Being feminine means being taken and being loved by a man physically, if you are in charge this cannot happen and you won't be fulfilled. Get the message?

Whatever your situation please know that Tony and I are available for a complimentary 30 minute consultation. I know we can help you, in our experience there is no relationship problem that cannot be resolved with some time and commitment.

To view the video please go to any tony and Nicki video channel : YouTube, Yahoo, MySpace, Metacafe, Google, Revver, DailyMotion, Blip.tv, Veoh, Crackle, Imeem, Sclipo, Viddler and Howcast

Speak soon, Nicki Vee x

Relationship Advice: Sex & Money Challenges 3

Just enough to get by… Inside and outside the bedroom! Men or women who have just enough money to get by are normally hooked on security, safety and certainty. They have probably been bought up to think that as long as they make sure they are safe financially that they will be happy. How wrong can they be?

If this is you, this belief and pattern of behavior has probably caused you to attract someone who thinks the same and when the financials are ‘just enough’ you both expect to be happy but you’re not.

Why is that? Because the doubt, worry, boredom and anxiousness about money, or about losing the job, or about the business failing, or the house not selling, or the investment falling will keep a man’s mind on everything but romance and a woman’s mind just full!

Hence it affects the bedroom too! Life and sex often becomes boring because both of you are thinking about everything else, not each other. Even in bed women will be thinking about the kids, the mortgage payments, the car needing servicing... everything apart from her man and his physical needs.

So a solution for both of you is togetherness time when you don't think about the financials and you don’t talk about how you are going to get safe financially long term.
Sharing what is fabulous for you both (Tony and I call it our ‘magic moments’) and what you are grateful for, and what you love about each other the most, will move you into a state where romance, love making and connection are at their highest.

Just enough to get by makes me think of that great expression: Your problems are somebody else’s dreams – think about it. Put’s everything into perspective doesn’t it?

Singles only have to consider one thing: What you give out you get back, what you focus on is what you get…so whatever is going on in your head will affect what or who you attract. If you are in ‘getting by mode’ you are probably not attractive to the opposite sex because everyone is looking for someone who is ‘having a great life’, including you!

Practice gratitude, imagine a rosy future or as the song says, ‘always look on the bright side of life’!

Need to chat more about this?

Email us or leave a comment…Nicki Vee x

To watch Sex & Money Challenges YouTube, MySpace, Metacafe, Google, DailyMotion, Veoh, Sclipo and Howcast

http://www.tonyandnickivee.com/
http://www.intimaterelationships.tv/

Relationship Advice: Money Problems = Sex Problems

Are you In Debt, on the brink of financial bankruptcy or just plain fed up with working to just make ends meet? Man or woman, this kind of pressure and stress is most definitely affecting your lovelife!

Men do you notice that when you have money problems that you are either off sex completely or addicted to it? If it’s the former, ‘off sex’, that is probably because you are down, working all the time and stressing to ‘get money’ so the last thing you seem to be able to do is show up in a great way to romance a woman. If on the other hand you seem addicted to sex that is probably because you don’t feel good about yourself as a man (because you are not providing for yourself or a woman the kind of life you want to) and the only time you feel good is when you orgasm. The third alternative is that you try and please a woman by getting her to orgasm a lot giving you a feeling of being successful at something. None of these is good for women.

If you’re single and looking to be in a relationship notice how healthy women are not attracted to you. This is because they can tell that you are depressed about your situation and so will move away from you. Unhealthy women (either in debt too or have money and want to mother you or fix your problems) may be attracted to you but this is unlikely to lead to a great relationship because it is way out of balance. If you are in a relationship being down and either moody or detached or talking about your problems to your partner is a recipe for disconnection inside and outside of the bedroom.

So of course, as we said before, the solution is to get things sorted out. And you might ask, HOW? Most men in this situation say ‘Well, unless I get money in the bank how can I be in a good place and have a great relationship with a fantastic woman?

Here’s how… You need to access your core masculinity. You see, it's never about £’s (or €’s or $’s!) it’s about how you show up as a man. Firstly you might want to answer these questions:

• Are you able to see the light at the end of the tunnel and, if not, what would it look like?

• Have you had help from a man that has handled this part of his life?

• Are you living the best life you can in the circumstances or are you fed up and turning to addictions such as alcohol, smoking, food, drugs, television, gambling or sex?

• How are you managing your life? Do you have your financial situation clearly recorded and organised?

• How would you handle your situation if you focused on nothing else?

It’s a fact; it's not the size of your bank account that matters, you could still be in debt but in the process of getting everything handled, be showing up in a great way and be able to have a positive effect on a woman.

Now, women who are in debt and struggling financially are most likely to be off sex and/or not having much success in intimate relationships. If you are, however, reacting to money issues by looking to sex to make you feel better it is probably because you are acting more like a man in all areas of life. Women who are depressed, stressed or worried all the time repel men!

A single woman needs to do nothing else but find a way to be good with her situation whatever it is. A woman’s core feminine needs are for good relationships so to focus negatively on money will only serve to give you a life that will not meet your core needs. Put simply, a happy woman is the most attractive thing to a man and it doesn’t matter how well she is handling her finances as long as she is happy. Can you see the difference between men and women? Men need to be ‘handling things’ women need to be ‘accepting things’.

If you are a woman in a relationship it is also going to be about your reaction to your financial situation. If you have your own money the solution is definitely to be good with where you are but how would it be that the solution is to give your partner ‘the problem’? I can almost hear the gasps of ‘oh my god, I couldn’t!’ Yes even if he is also not in a good place financially himself, he is a man and men respond to solving problems. If you have joint money issues you must leave him to sort it all out! If you nag, he feels worse, if you try and help him, he feels worse, if you find a solution, he feels terrible! Get the message?

Now to be honest there are men out there who would go to pieces if either their girlfriend gave them a financial problem to solve or their partner stopped taking responsibility for the money but that should not stop you asking for help or letting go of the problem. You may be pleasantly surprised and if not you may want to ask the question: Is this relationship meeting my needs?

So girls, all this will definitely affect your lovelife. Letting go, asking for help, stopping worrying, being happy etc will all have a magical affect on who you attract if you’re single, and how connected you are if you’re attached.

So man or woman, single or attached, if you are having money problems you need to look seriously at the solutions offered in this Blog and on our Money & Sex Videos on TNTV.

And we are seriously suggesting our Home Study Course which will help you handle all areas of your life which in turn will affect your relationships and your bank account of course!

So, any questions for Tony or I, email us on tnv@tonyandnickivee.com

Love, Nicki Vee x

www.tonyandnickivee.com

Relationship Advice : Sex & Money Challenges

So here's the thing - Money problems = Sex problems

And it doesn't matter how much you've got!

You might be In Debt and on the brink of financial bankruptcy, getting just about enough to get by or you may have loads of money - whatever your situation it could seriously be affecting your lovelife!

Men who have little or no money are often either completely off sex because they are so worried about their situation or they are addicted to sex to get a quick, if not fulfilling high, that makes them feel good, just for a second or two. A healthy woman is never going to be attracted to a man who has not got his 'act together' financially but unhealthy women (who have their lives sorted) are often looking for a man to 'look after' so that they can mother or fix his problems. So of course the solution is to get things sorted out. Using masculine energy, certainty about yourself and finding practical solutions that work will get you quickly into the kind of energy that will attract abundance and a healthy woman. It’s a fact, it's not the size of your bank account that matters, you could still be in debt but getting everything handled, and be very attractive to Mrs. Right.

Women who are in debt and struggling financially usually get themselves into a low energy state of despair. Some may show a 'brave face' but your negativity about your lot is bound to put a good man off you. Men will still have sex with you but not the right man (or a man in good energy) and you may just be feeding off the crumbs of a relationship or still seeing an old flame. Men can feel your neediness and so are not attracted to it. The solution for you is to be completely ok with whatever your present situation is. You see he may come along and sweep you off your feet or help you out as long as you don't seem to be needy of that. Your 'brave face' needs to be a 'happy face' too or your energy will turn him off.

Men or women who have just enough money to get by are normally hooked on security. This is probably going to show up in the bedroom as 'just having enough to get by' too! Why is that? Because the doubt, worry and anxiousness about losing the job, the business failing, the house not selling, the investment falling will keep a man’s mind on everything but romance. Sex often becomes boring because both of you are thinking about everything else, not each other. Most commonly women are worried about the kids, the mortgage payments, the car needing servicing... everything apart from her man and his physical needs. So a solution for both of you is togetherness time when you don't talk about how you are going to be safe financially long term.

Men who seem to 'have it all' are often too busy either making more money or holding onto what they've got to put quality time into their relationship. They often find it easy to get sex as either a single of attached man but it’s all too easy just like earning money. What he needs to learn about is LOVE. The kind of sexual highs he gets from sex or money will be nothing to what he could have if he learnt to really 'love'.

Women who have it all are like a magnet to men who haven't! She shows up as successful at everything she does but sleeps alone at night even if her bed is full! She is so 'in charge' of her life and can be 'in charge' of him too inside and outside of the bedroom that she actually repels healthy men. You see he wants at least to feel that he can make you happy by giving you something that you didn't get yourself. The solution is to learn about letting go, trust and true femininity. Letting a man lead you in any circumstance is a good first step. Trust him to do something for you that you would normally do yourself! The ultimate let go is to let him make all the decisions in bed too!

So yes money and sex are interdependent, a healthy approach to money will give you a healthy lovelife too.

To watch Sex & Money Challenges #1 YouTube, Yahoo, MySpace, Metacafe, Google, DailyMotion, Veoh, Sclipo and Howcast

Or View from Tony & Nicki's Homepage at http://www.tonyandnickivee.com/

Nicki Vee

Sex Chat #4 How To Spot A Princess

This Unique Information is invaluable for Men & Women.

This Unique Information is invaluable whether you are Single or Attached.

This Unique Information is invaluable to you as it will guarantee you a great love, sex & intimate life.

So what is this information that is so crucial? In this Blog (and on our current TNTV) we are going to give you the top 5 ways of spotting whether a woman is 'a princess'.

Now before you start to panic, guys thinking, what if I am not with one or women thinking, what if I'm not one, let me explain that any behaviour is liable to be coming from habit or programming (what she's been taught) or fear and so can be changed at any time just by being aware of it.


1. A Princess shows up in her unique femininity and she uses feminine body language and tonality. This looks like soft, relaxed, flowing body movements, a smile, no piercing eye contact and a gentle handshake. She speaks in a calm way and has a light, tender tone of voice. She is happy to let go of control to you and is not focused or driven towards ambitious goals. Her attention is more focused on you and she speaks with trust about her needs, her life and her dreams.

2. A Princess asks men questions and is interested in others. This is the opposite of a woman (see 'a bit of a nightmare') who is always focused on herself and her problems. She asks questions in a non challenging or competitive way. They are questions that give you the opportunity to share your thoughts and beliefs and her the opportunity to know and understand you more. With men, in particular, she acknowledges his achievements without comparing to hers. She shows appreciation for how a man takes care of her needs in a non demanding way. She talks about the kind of characteristics that she admires in him and, if in intimacy with this man, what she adores about him the most. When asked for what she needs a princess tells a man what she loves and lets him provide it!

3. A Princess loves and respects her own body. Whilst considering others a princess creates her own time to pamper and take care of herself. She is aware of the effects of what she eats and how she moves on her energy and so takes daily care of her body. She, in most cases, nurtures herself with healthy food and drinks except, maybe, for the odd glass of wine and of course chocolate! A princess respects her body and so she is not one to indulge addictively (smoking, drinking, food) and she makes physically and emotionally healthy decisions as to when to share a bed with a man. She also is not obsessed with being in a relationship, she would rather wait for Mr. Right or decide against staying in a dysfunctional relationship.

4. A Princess’s life flows with radiant happiness. She loves what she does and she does what she loves. She is trusting of whatever the universe deals her. So if her company closes down she sees it as a good thing! Whether in a job or in business her days flow effortlessly and she has balance in the way she manages her time and work. You never see a princess running (unless exercising!) rushing, stressed and in a tiz. She has very healthy, positive beliefs and is not driven by security and money.

5. A Princess loves the role of ‘the princess’. She loves and wants to be the supporter/nuturer/carer to your hunter/provider/protector. She yearns to be the soft feminine to your strong masculine. She appears, as if magically, to know intuitively how to be the yang to your ying. She is happy and comfortable as the follower to your leader. She understands and desires to fully surrender to her rock, her king, her knight in shining armour.

Nicki Vee

http://www.tonyandnickivee.com/

You can view the video, 'How To Spot A Princess' on any of our video channels : YouTube, Yahoo, MySpace, Metacafe, Google, Revver, DailyMotion, Sclipo and Howcast

How would it be if all our challenges came from us asking ourselves crap questions?

What might your life be like if you had better internal communications with you?

Could this be when your relationship becomes exactly how you would love it to be?

Just a few Empowering Questions from Nicki Vee x


How is this perfect?

What's the learning here?

Is this decision taking me nearer or further away from my vision/dream?

How would it be if I could?

What's great about this?

What is it that I don't know?

What needs to happen for me to... ?

What would I have to believe to feel this way?

My hallucination is that the best way forward is...

How specifically do I want this to be, look, go?

How is this, (behaviour, person, situation) a mirror of me?

Am I making this better or worse than it really is?

What's the truth?

What's really going on here?

Could it be that this is the way it's meant to be?

What meaning am I attaching to this?

What could this mean?

What would love do?

How is this meeting my needs?

What am I getting from staying in this situation?

What is the emotional reason why this physical thing has happened?

What am I grateful for?

If I did the opposite what could happen?

What 3 major ways is this going to permanently f..k up my life?!

Do let me know what effect these questions have on your state, life and of course specifically your intimate relationships!

Nicki Vee x

Your Blog Coach

P.S. Last question I promise, what crappy question are you constantly and persistently asking yourself? Mine was, Why don't things happen for me? Can you imagine what results that got me?!

www.tonyandnickivee.com

Sex Chat - #3 - How To Spot A Knight In Shining Armor

This Unique Information is invaluable for Men & Women.

This Unique Information is invaluable whether you are Single or Attached.

This Unique Information is invaluable to you as it will guarantee you a great love, sex & intimate life.

So what is this information that is so crucial?

Over the next 2 Blogs (and on our next 2 TNTV's) we are going to give you the top 5 ways of spotting whether a man is 'a knight in shining armor' or a woman is 'a princess'.

So today - the top 5 ways to spot whether a man is behaving like 'a knight in shining armor'.

Now before you start to panic, guys thinking, what if I am not one or women thinking, what if I'm not with one, let me explain that any behaviour is liable to be coming from habit or programming (what he's been taught) or fear and so can be changed at any time just by being aware of it.

1. A knight in shining armor has his own life together.... This is the most attractive thing about a man to a woman, forget tall, dark and handsome, having everything handled is something she can look up to, respect and sign up for. A knight in shining armor doesn't do the 'plonker' things like ask women for help and he totally understands that she is looking for a man who is strong, resourceful and can handle any problem.

Girls, if you're single and you notice this behaviour - this is a fantastic sign! If you're attached - good choice!

2. A knight in shining armor is confident, calm and he gets on with people... This is an almost intangible quality that great men have and the good news guys is that it can be learnt! All that you need to do is get addicted to getting out of stress without getting obsessive and find a way to get in rapport with everyone, even your mother! A woman will absolutely love being with you as you have no stress or disconnection in your life and she really wants to live like that.

Girls, easy to spot - and please no 'he's got potential' excuses, he's either living like this or not! If you live with a man like this don't forget to acknowledge him like mad!


3. A knight in shining armor compliments and cherishes women. He will take a woman's needs into consideration at all times and treat her like a princess. He takes the lead and he understands that women want to be 'looked after' and protected. He compliments her on how she looks and how she interacts with others. He gets what women really want and then 'like a detective' he finds out what her individual needs are!

Girls, if he remembers that you love Chinese food or The Sound of Music just from one conversation this is a man who is comfortable in himself and so 'available' to look after you.


4. A knight in shining armor knows how to 'love a woman'. Ok this is a bit more subtle. A knight in shining armor is not on the lookout for sex he is interested in finding his princess to share his life with. So this will look like 'taking his time' to get to know a woman, deciding if she is the right one and then asking her to be with him. If he is in a relationship he will make special time for her and he will know how to make love to her fully. He gives her the certainty inside and outside the bedroom that he knows she loves and creates a life/or date that princesses dream of.

Girls, you know whether a man is just wanting sex or he actually wants to be with you/stay with you. If he is not showing up in the way described I have to ask you the question - why would you want to be with this man?


5. A knight in shining armor has no addictions. He is happy to mostly eat and drink healthily, he doesn't get ill often so does not depend on any drugs and he has no private sexual habits. This is normally fairly obvious from his behaviour and language. He understands that addiction is a 'lack of self control'. Even an addiction to work, sport or exercise is not good for women! A knight in shining armor has no problem spending time alone and so he is unlikely to have one of those relationship hopping histories. He doesn't move from one woman to another with no gap and he has acquired massive awareness about mans tendency to look outside his relationships for intimacy.

Trust that has been useful for both men and women.

If you want more information go straight to our website on http://www.tonyandnickivee.com/ click on the 7 Big Mistakes and it will give you, through our 'Horrifying Report', access to the 7 Big Relationship Solutions DVD Pack; now on 30 day free trial, all you have to do is pay post and package.

Or also on our homepage on http://www.tonyandnickivee.com/ click to book a 30 minute consultation with Tony or myself or both of us!

Speak soon,

Nicki Vee x

How to Attract a Fabulous Woman

If, as a man, you feel that you're not getting the attention you want from women or you’re not getting the attention you want from the right kind of women...here's what you need to do..

You may be surprised by this!

So here are the top 3 things all women are looking for in a man...these will turn her head towards you… you just have to get close enough…

· Get your own life sorted... she wants to look up to you, respect you, feel safe around you...when we tell women how to select a man we say look at how he leads his life... so if your life isn’t great do something now!

· Compliment her! On her appearance, her personality, her friendships, her wacky artifacts but never ever compliment her on her achievements unless you want her to focus on them 24/7

· Take the lead at all times... this means book the restaurant, be the driver, help her with her problems, get her a cab… and don’t ask her for help!

I guarantee if you do this she will be blown away by your masculinity and she will be drawn to be around you...

Tony Vee

Check out the 7 Big Mistakes on www.tonyandnickivee.com

How to Attract an Amazing Man

If, as a woman, you feel that you're not getting the attention you want from men or you’re not getting the attention you want from the right kind of men...here's what you need to do..

You may be surprised by this!

So here are the top 3 things all men are looking for in a woman...these will turn his head towards you… you just have to get close enough…

· Acknowledge him for how he handles everything and anything... be it his house sale, a problem at work, how he looks after his kids, getting a cab! Even the very little things, like ordering a drink….add in some appreciation and he will be wondering why he feels so good around you and will want more...
· You being happy! Yes believe it or not HE feels happy if you are....he is attracted to your happiness…unconsciously he feels responsible for it even if he isn't...and the reverse applies, if you look unhappy he feels it too, so he will move away from you.
· Let him lead at all times... girls, you need to learn to leave a gap so that he can look after you… so stop taking care of everything yourself or he feels like he has no job! And so ask him for help… and never ever give him advice or ideas…
I guarantee if you do this he will feel fantastic and will start to give you the kind of attention you want...

Love, Nicki Vee x

P.S. If you are thinking yes Nicki but I've heard all this before and it hasn't worked yet I can guarantee you are not doing it well, especially nos 2!!

for more info on what to do go to the 7 big mistakes on http://www.tonyandnickivee.com/

Sex Chat - # 2 - How to Spot a Nightmare Woman

This Unique Information is invaluable for Men & Women.

This Unique Information is invaluable whether you are Single or Attached.

This Unique Information is invaluable to you as it will guarantee you a great Love, Sex & Intimate life.

So what is this information that is so crucial?

Over the next 3 Blogs (and on our next 3 TNTV's) we are going to give you the top 5 ways of spotting whether a woman is 'a nightmare' and then the top 5 ways of spotting whether a man is 'a real man' (a knight in shining armour)or a woman is 'a dream woman' (a princess). If you missed Sex Chat #1 - How to Spot a Plonker, go back to the blog, men and women are saying its incredible!

So today - the top 5 ways to spot whether a woman is 'a bit of a nightmare'.

Now before you start to panic, girls thinking, maybe I am one or men thinking, maybe I'm with one, let me explain that any behaviour is liable to be coming from habit or programming (what she's been taught) or fear and so can be changed at any time just by being aware of it.

1. A Nightmare normally has her own life completely sorted.

Girls, you are probably saying - what the hell is wrong with that? Well, here's the unspoken (up until now) truth! You see women want to feel safe BUT the problem is that women nowadays use all of their masculine energy to get so safe that it makes them unattractive to men. His unconscious is not drawn to look after you because you are doing it all for yourself. The next big problem with this is that this is very attractive to a wimp or a plonker. Think about it - are you available for a real man to sweep you off your feet or do you have a thousand golden handcuffs around you to make you feel safe?

Guys, if you spot a woman who is living like this (certainty freaks we call them)steer clear. If you are drawn to be with her because it would give you the kind of security you desire - that is crap! Stop that - get your own life together and then find a woman who is healthy and available for you to look after. Otherwise she will be 'like a mother to you' and she will try and control you and she will keep taking over - you don't want that do you? If you are with a woman who does this you need to step up and take charge.

2. A Nightmare woman is a victim.

Girls, if in your life you feel like nothing seems to go right for you, or if you are often ill or if your family and friends always need you and you fall out with people then you are running a victim pattern. Tell the truth do you talk to other women about your man and what he doesn't do or how you can't find a good man? If this is you, stop it! What we put out we get back. What we think and talk about will be our experience. Until you stop 'enjoying' the connection that having problems gives you you are never going to be happy or in a great relationship!

Guys, if you are dating a woman and she starts to tell you her problems, challenges, who she is upset with or how this happened to her - bad sign. This will be your life. Never try and sort out the problems for her or they will never end. And you will be giving her mixed messages. She will think that you want to 'sort out her messes for life!' If you are with a victim don't re enforce it. You have to be clear that these are not real problems and that everything will be fine. Tony always says if you are not being masculine she will keep testing you. Victim is all a test. Move towards her in a healthy way and she 'might' stop doing it. If she doesn't stop it you might want to follow through of what you've been secretly thinking about - are you willing to live your life like this?

3. A Nightmare worries, doubts, frets and is stressed.

Girls, notice this is the same wording as no 3. of how to spot a plonker. You see if you are stressed you will probably have attracted a man who is the same. So then the whole relationship becomes stressed. You are also probably doing what I mentioned in nos 1. and getting certainty for yourself. Now this is not healthy I feel good about myself certainty, this is unhealthy, fear based I must have the house paid for, I must have a cast iron pension and I must have a job/business/relationship that is guaranteed for life certainty! Now this doesn't mean you have to be penniless, destitute and needy (in fact that is very unattractive to a man too unless he is into rescuing/taking on women as a project) you just need to be healthily ok. Just easily and effortlessly living a great life, doing what you love, not attached to security or your relationship, no worry, doubt and stress - just you, happy and free of fear. Now thats what a real man is looking to be with.

Guys, if the women you are attracted to are stressed out and looking for masses of certainty - these woman are going to be a nightmare to live with. Her certainty needs will never be met and she will be always be trying to get security for you too.

If you are with a woman who is like this, you need to step up. You need to take charge and give her the kind of feelings of certainty that she has been trying to give to herself. One word of caution, if your woman has a 'very unhealthy' need for security (she needs massive amounts of money to feel safe or she needs you to tell her where you are at all times etc)don't give into that, you will be re-enforcing unhealthy behaviour. Just be really firm with her that she is safe with you and carry on living life in a way that meets your needs. Those needs must be healthy too don't forget - see how to spot a plonker to make sure!

4. A Nightmare acts passive aggressive.

Girls, you know if you are doing this. Do you try to make him feel guilty if he doesn't give you as much attention as you want? Do you 'look after him' but only so that he will do things for you? Do you manipulate his decisions by using 'false feminine' behaviour? This looks like 'poor me', I don't have my needs met, whiny kind of language - get the picture? The reason why we use the expression passive aggressive is because it has a soft passive look about it but it has aggression underneath. And the reason why this behaviour is so subtle and difficult to spot is because it looks a bit like 'archetype' femininity. Of course it isn't feminine at all its very dangerous behaviour because it may get you want you want but then you have control of your man and in worse cases a man who feels controlled will fight back. Hence the reason why many passive aggressives attract macho men. Get some help.

Guys, do you recognise any of this behaviour described above in your woman or the women you are attracted too? I have to tell you we have had many of these women at our retreat and they were all taught by mum most commonly to put on this behaviour to get a man. Here's the bad news - they are often the most attractive! The reason for this is that they overuse their sexuality/unhealthy femininity to attract and 'snare a man' and then use their sexuality to keep him and its usually all one way traffic. If you are with a woman like this and you are letting her control you this way you won't be feeling like a man and you may be getting your masculine needs met elsewhere - yes? So if not giving into her doesn't work - get out!

5. A Nightmare is a drama queen

Girls, tell yourself the truth, are you addicted to drama? do you constantly talk about all the dreadful things that happened to you as a child? do you believe you were somehow abused? does life always deal you some mammoth issue to deal with? are all your converstions with your girlfriends about the latest thing that he did that you reacted badly to? if so you are a drama queen honey bunch! Now there is one sure fire way to stop this now and its easy - stop living in the past and don't make something worse than it is. I promise you that if you do this you will attract less drama into your life and your relationships will become less volatile.This could be hard at first because some women are addicted to drama and life may seem dull in comparison. Hang in there, its much healthier and will bring long term happiness.

Guys, easy to spot, difficult not to get into a relationship with! Why? because these women are normally feisty, fun and seemingly happy. But the truth is there will always be something not quite right, something needing to be got over and always it will be at the centre of life. A bit like the victim pattern this woman may have accidents, illnesses, problems with the kids, fall outs with people and normally big parent issue stuff. If you are with a woman like this you are going to need to be like a rock, immovable, unflappable, centered, stoic and strong. All the qualities you need to handle any woman but you may need to turn the dial right up for drama queens!

So there we have it, Sex Chat - #2 - How to Spot a Nightmare Woman.

Trust that has been useful for both men and women.

If you want more information go straight to our website on http://www.tonyandnickivee.com/ click on the 7 Big Mistakes and it will give you, through our 'Horrifying Report', access to the 7 Big Relationship Solutions DVD Pack; now on 30 day free trial, all you have to do is pay post and package.

Or also on our homepage on http://www.tonyandnickivee.com/ click to book a 30 minute consultation with Tony or myself or both of us!

Please see our TNTV videos on any of the following :- YouTube, Yahoo, MySpace, Metacafe, Google, DailyMotion, Veoh, Sclipo and Howcast

Speak soon,

Nicki Vee x

Do I Compromise?

One of the most Frequently Asked Questions, and it most commonly comes from people is a very new relationship is, Do I Compromise?

Well simply answered if you want to be in an 'ok' relationship that you would score between 5 and 7 on a scale of 0 - 10 then yes go ahead and compromise your needs or values. But, be warned, its most likely to stay at a 5 - 7, and it will probably get worse.

Why is that? Well again the short answer is that in everybody's '10' is the phrase 'he/she loves and accepts me exactly as I am'. And so if we modify/compromise or adjust our values we do not feel good about ourselves. It's like we did a deal with ourselves long ago that we will be ourselves even if that means that it is not 'a good fit' with someone we want to be with. So the reason it often deteriorates is that we kind of resent what we have had to do differently just because it didn't suit our partner. Resentment is 'red' and so will always cause disconnection.

I was coaching someone today who is in a new relationship where the man is asking the woman to stop behaving in a certain way that doesn't meet his values and beliefs. Now she sees no wrong in what she is doing. So are either of them right or wrong about the actual thing? No, of course not, its just a difference in values and beliefs. The danger is, if there is attachment to this man, that she is likely to compromise to 'keep the peace'. My hallucination is that it won't stop there. What happens the next time? Does she compromise again? So often people will talk about this being like living on egg shells.

So there is no rule book of what is right or wrong. There is only your needs. So my answer is no, don't compromise. Better to find someone who shares your values and beliefs!

Oh and last thing and this is what I counselled this young lady to do today - Remember to tell the other person what you have decided from a 'green' space. What does that look like? It means to not make them wrong, it means to own your decision and it means to be loving. I guarantee that the relationship will benefit from this whether you are meant to be together or not.

Nicki Vee x

www.tonyandnickivee.com

Girls, Are you in a new relationship? You might want to check out this weeks You Tube video - How To Spot A Plonker!

Sex Chat - #1 - How to Spot a Plonker

This Unique Information is invaluable for Men & Women.

This Unique Information is invaluable whether you are Single or Attached.

This Unique Information is invaluable to you as it will guarantee you a great love, sex & intimate life.

So what is this information that is so crucial?

Over the next 4 Blogs (and on our next 4 TNTV's) we are going to give you the top 5 ways of spotting whether a man is 'a plonker' or a woman is 'a nightmare' and then the top 5 ways of spotting whether a man is 'a real man' or a woman is 'a princess'.

So today - the top 5 ways to spot whether a man is behaving 'like a plonker'.

Now before you start to panic, guys thinking, maybe I am one or women thinking, maybe I'm with one, let me explain that any behaviour is liable to be coming from habit or programming (what he's been taught) or fear and so can be changed at any time just by being aware of it.

1. A Plonker does not have his own life together.

Guys if this is you, get a plan, get some help, stop trying to please everyone else and above all be good with what you want to do and when. This is the most attractive thing about a man to a woman, forget tall, dark and handsome, having everything handled for you is something she can look up to and sign up to.

Girls, if a man does not have his own life together, leave him alone to sort it out! So many women take men on as a project, give him advice, take care of him, protect him from problems or nag him to death about it. This is the worst thing you can do. If you're single this is not the man for you, if you're attached leave him to it and get on with your own life (acting like a princess of course)

2. A Plonker asks women for help.

Guys if this you, stop it! If you really need help go to an expert or someone else, just not another plonker! You see asking a woman puts you in a slightly inferior position. You might ask, what's wrong with that? Well the answer is everything, and I don't mean you have to be superior either, but if you want to be intimate with this woman you have to understand that woman are looking for a man who is strong and resourceful and can handle problems. Asking her for help makes her feel like you need her and thats not healthy. It feels to her like you need mothering, and you don't want that do you?

Girls, if he keeps asking you for help stop responding! He will soon realise that you are not going to give it to him and either he will 'step up' or not. Again if you're single this is not the man for you and if you're attached stop responding to his questions. A great answer is, 'you'll know what to do' or 'you are so good at that kind of thing'. Oh and don't fall into the trap of making allowances if you are more expert at something than him. Let him find someone else to help him or you may find yourself at best 'good friends' and at worst, like a couple who were close to divorce said, 'two people sharing a house who argue a lot and never make love!'

3. A Plonker worries, doubts, frets and is stressed.

Guys if this is you firstly you might want to look at the results you're getting. Seriously, and this may sound like airy fairy nonsense, the way you think will have a direct affect on your results. Secondly, notice your own language. If you are using tonality that sounds stressed and language that normally starts with, 'the problem is' or 'isn't it awful that' or 'nothing ever seems to go the way I want it' or anything like those phrases know that you are likely to firstly get poor results and secondly you are likely to attract or stay with a woman who does the same. So as the Americans say, 'go figure' - you may want to make some fast changes.

Girls, if he looks and sounds worried, stressed and what we would call 'not in a good place' don't make it worse! What do I mean? Well our biggest habit is to try and fix him by either going into the more 'masculine' role of 'giving logical advice' or 'helping him by being really focused' or even worse, 'taking the problem off him' or by mothering him. Mothering looks like making him comfortable, cooking him his favourite meal, and saying 'poor thing'! Either is a recipe for him staying down as your behaviour makes him feel even worse about himself. Single? - this is a very bad sign, so not for you. Attached? leave him alone and give him space - don't re-enforce it unless you want this behaviour for the rest of your life.

4. A Plonker acts macho or feminine.

Guys, any form of verbal or physical aggression is not cool and it frightens women. Whether you do it directly at her or at someone else or at life it shows you to be an angry man who is out of control and actually full of fear. Get some help, talk to my amazing husband, in confidence, book some time with him now. The opposite of course is that you act feminine. This normally shows up as softly spoken and very meek and mild, allowing the world to dictate your actions and things 'happen to you'. In NLP terms you are at 'effect' not 'cause'. Best course of action is to really learn what healthy masculine behaviour looks like and know that that will get you success in life and with women. A great book for you will be 'Way of the Superior Man' by David Deida.

Girls, if you are with or attracted to a macho man, we need to talk. Hey, I have no judgement, as I did this for near on 20 years. Look these men have problems that you cannot fix and so the worst thing you can do is accept this behaviour or try and fight it. Please contact me, I promise I can help, and in the meantime try telling him the truth, but hold on, not from your anger or by being passive or a victim, this will have definitely evoked more macho behaviour in the past. Its classic victim/aggressor, co-dependant behaviour. A must read for you is 'Women Who Love Too Much' by Robyn Norwood. My first book ever, changed my life.

And girls if you are considering a relationship with a feminine man, know that you will always be taking the lead, know that you will not be having your feminine core needs met. So its again a no no. If you are in a relationship with a man who is behaving in a way that we might describe as 'feminine' there is only one solution. You must stop being masculine/mothering with him, that looks like taking charge, organising everything, making plans, making the decisions, often its also handling the money for you both. You need to learn to 'leave the gap'. That means if its not done or arranged you do nothing. My quick tip for handling this, and it can be a bit difficult at first, is to ask yourself - whats the worst that can happen? or - is this a life or death situation? it so rarely is of course so you can just leave it to him. He will start doing things, you'll be amazed, and notice how he grows in stature with his newly acquired power. Book for you - 'Surrendered Wife' by Laura Doyle. Don't be put off by the title its actually very good practical advice.

5. A Plonker has addictions.

Guys, tell yourself the truth, are you addicted to or drawn regularly to alcohol or smoking or food or drugs (illegal, prescription or off the shelf) or sex? If so this is not the kind of behaviour that a healthy woman is drawn to. It feels to her as if you 'need things outside of yourself to get by'. Now I don't mean the odd pint, glass of wine or aspirin but if you are a smoker or a regular binge drinker or you take packets of tablets or you have a penchant for a lot of porn this is very likely to get you into a relationship or living long term with a woman who does the same. This means that both of you will be drawn to things other than each other and that will lead to massive disconnection, rows and very possibly infidelity. Both of you will be searching outside of your relationship for fulfilment and that's never going to give you what you really want.

Girls if he has addictions you might want to consider whether this is the relationship for you. The difficulty with addictions is that whilst they are easy to justify, for example so many people say, well a few drinks relaxes you or the more sex you have the better, it never seems to work out like that in real life. Your life will be affected by his addictions. They will anesthetise him to you, and more importantly to the truth. He might avoid difficult situations and avoid real intimacy. If you are intent on staying then you could let him know how you feel and then make sure you do not tell him to stop. Acknowledge what he does do that you love and you could be surprised, that may make him feel so good that he decides to stop whatever he is addicted too. The key here is that he decides, that is the only thing that will work long term.

So there we have it, Sex Chat - #1 - How to Spot a Plonker.

Trust that has been useful for both men and women.

If you want more information go straight to our website on http://www.tonyandnickivee.com/ click on the 7 Big Mistakes and it will give you, through our 'Horrifying Report', access to the 7 Big Relationship Solutions DVD Pack; now on 30 day free trial, all you have to do is pay post and package.

Or also on our homepage on http://www.tonyandnickivee.com/ click to book a 30 minute consultation with Tony or myself or both of us!

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Speak soon,

Nicki Vee x

How To Make Him Crazy About You - Your Blog Coach x

Ok this was one of the questions that came into our website last week -

How do I make him crazy about me?

You know what, that question is so common; 2 women coaching clients this week also described behaviour from men as 'disinterested', 'not committed' or just 'he doesn't seem into me'.

So here's the quick answer:-

There are 2 things that may be causing this.

One is that he actually isn't interested. Maybe he doesn't want to behave in a way that he would if he was crazy about you, maybe he doesn't want to be with you, maybe he doesn't want to ravish you or look after you and treat you like a princess. If honestly that is the case - move on!

The second reason could be that you are not behaving in a way that gives him the opportunity to act the way you would like. If a man is crazy about you he will spontaniously ask you out, organize things, arrange time together, ask you to move in with him, marry you and have babies with you (if thats humanly posssible!). Now if you are doing all the doing, making all the running, taking charge and telling him what to do he will definitely move away from you and do the opposite. The other habit that women run is to be needy and so a 'bit of a nightmare' as men would put it. Both of these patterns will cause him to look elsewhere for something to meet his needs. This could be a different woman but it also could be work, sport, television or the computer.

So whats the truth?

Has he ever really acted as if he's crazy about you? If so ask yourself the question how have I behaved to change things? If the answer is no he has never acted that way my hallucination is that, if you are in a relationship with him, that it is a relationship of convenience. Those kind of relationships will never meet either of your real needs, they tend to just meet the 'practical needs'. And why would you settle for that?

Last point, maybe you are not 'crazy about you' either? If you are negative, unhappy, stressed or just plain 'in a funk', no man is going to be 'crazy about you'.

There is no great red blooded, masculine man out there who wants to be with a woman that doesn't love life and feel good about herself!

So now you know what you need to do! And have I once mentioned what to wear or what to say? No!

Healthy happy, masculine men go crazy for healthy, happy, feminine women...

Go figure as they say in the states!

Let me know what you think about this....

Love, Nicki Vee x

http://www.tonyandnickivee.com/

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Girls - Are You Ruining Your New Relationship? Your Blog Coach x

I have done two sessions today with two fabulous women both whom have been found by their 'Knight in Shining Armor' and where he has popped the question. They both told me how masculine and great he is and they both admitted to wanting to stay in control. And why, you are probably asking, would they do that when they know it is the No 1. thing that men hate!

A couple of reasons reared their ugly heads:-

Firstly, she believes its putting him too much under pressure. I do hope some of the men who are reading this will write in or add a comment to this blog to remind all women that men are not broken, they do not need protecting from problems and that actually they are 'solution machines' who can handle whatever you throw at them!

Secondly, she wants to retain control of something in case he screws up. In case he doesn't do it the way she would do it and in case that means she is left with nothing to 'worry about' or be responsible for! Again any red blooded male will tell you that he can sense you 'thinking, worrying and being responsible'. He can smell it if you don't trust him and he can feel it if you don't agree with his methods. And a question to you my fabulous feminine girlfriends - why would you want to have something to be responsible for or to worry about?

Most women who come to our Retreat here in Austria when they are asked to imagine a vision of their ultimate life and intimate relationship talk about being free to do what they love doing, they describe a man who protects them and who is a strong man who knows where he's going and knows what he's doing and they talk about feeling relaxed and calm. Not one of them has said I want to have to decide how to make enough money, I want him to come to me to sort out the problems, I want to have issues to worry about and to feel stressed and uncertain about him!

So why would these two fabulous women be doing this and frankly why would they ruin something that seemed to be their dream?

There is only one answer - HABIT.

We girls have been so programmed to be responsible, independent, strong and solution focused that we find it so difficult to let go and trust a man. Even though thats what we really want.

So the great thing about our coaching sessions was that I had the time to ask them some great questions like, how do you think he feels when you tell him that its ok you will make the arrangements/ sort it out/ solve the problem/make the decision? The answer is he feels redundant/ not trusted/ less than/ and worst of all that you don't need looking after. And that is what you desire, yearn for and deserve! A man to take care of you, protect you and cherish you and guess what if you are doing that for yourself he has no job.

So I hear you ask how do I break this habit? Well I said to these two women what would be the opposite of this behaviour? What do you know works that makes a man feel great, ready to take on the world including your problem!

They both knew the answers:-

So here are the answers, the 5 things, we call them the 5 A's, that will give you the life you want and will cause your relationship to be not just great but passionate, amazing, intimate and deeply 'in connection'.

1. Acknowledge Him. I know you have heard this before but are you doing it? And I don't just mean thanks for picking the kids/shopping/ dry cleaning up; I mean acknowledge how he handles arrangements/ a crisis/his business challenges/ his mother/ the burst pipe/you when you are difficult! Anything that makes him feel like he is fantastic and that you look up to him. (I always find that comparing him to all other men, favorably of course, works even better!)
2. Appreciate Him. Gratitude for the way he makes you feel will make him feel like a king amongst men. And I don't mean practical things like he makes you feel less stressed because he sorts your car out I mean you tell him he makes you feel like a princess, cherished like no other woman, special because you are his woman, fluttery when he walks through the door like a teenager, wobbly when he kisses you etc etc.
3. Adore Him. It is actually proven that when men are little boys they react most positively when a woman makes him feel like he is the best at what he does, when she 'puts him on a pedestal' and that is what he wants to have replicated in his adult intimate relationships. And if the truth is you don't really think he's worthy of a pedestal I have a question for you - what the hell are you doing staying with him? or are you just hyper critical and he just can't win with you? Whats the truth?
4. Admire Him. Much the same as Adore but slightly different, this is all about trusting him to handle everything, take notice of what he does well not what he doesn't, what you focus on you will get more of.... what are you most proud of about him? when did you last tell him that?
5. Ask Him Questions? Yes ask him for help.... after acknowledging, appreciating, adoring and admiring him like crazy give him all your problems! Yes, I mean it! You, I guarantee, will see a different man show up because he feels like you believe that he can handle any problem and that you trust him to do it! You see if he feels you trusting him he believes he can handle it. Men are very simple creatures they just want us to trust them and of course the other biggy is they just want us to be happy!

So, got it? So last question, on a scale of 0 - 10, 0 being you don't trust your man at all and you feel you need to control everything in order to feel safe and 10 is you know he is your rock and you trust him completely and you have mastered (or mistressed!) completely letting go and all the 5 A's where are you?

Wherever your score (unless you are a 10 in which case congratulations, I expect your relationship is at a 10 too) the next question is of course what needs to happen to get you to a 10?

My guess is the answer is in Trusting, Letting Go and Loads of Love.......

If you want to get even more info about how to make sure your new relationship (or your old one for that matter!) is as fabulous as you want it to be.....click here to go to our homepage on http://www.tonyandnickivee.com/ and click on The 7 Big Relationship Mistakes and this will give you our new f*ree complimentary report and will also tell you how to get our new product the 9 DVD set 'The 7 Big Relationship Solutions'.

Love, Nicki Vee x

Your Blog Coach x