Relationship Advice: A Nightmare - The On/Off Relationship

The interesting thing about past relationships is that we often reflect back on them and say to ourselves - what if?

What if I'd have known then what I know now.

What if he/she had been truly available to have a full on relationship with me.

What if she/he or I had got over that trauma/addiction/fear/problem - might it of actually worked out?

What if we had been living nearer to each other? had enough money? hadn't got the kids?

Well of course for many the answer is you'll never know. We can only tell you that our observation is that 'more than the issue' has to be right for it to work. In Tony and Nicki speak, 'both parties have to be at least aware if not free of their old habits and patterns and living in their core masculine/feminine energy for a relationship to stand a chance.'

But what of the people that go back, often time and time again, to the same relationship to try and make it work?

If this is you, you may be aware of the reasons but what we notice is that most people do that, go back, because of this:

• One or both parties don't believe that they can have a relationship that is better than, more healthy than, one that they have had in the past. They don't feel good enough to live alone needing a relationship to feel complete and so take the easy route and return to a past relationship believing that this time it might work out. These people most often stay in a lot of what we call 'intimate connection' with their former partner so that they feel that they have 'somebody to talk to'. This intimate connection is often telling this person your intimate thoughts but not having sex. This feeds the leaver's guilt complex and sadly, the one who has been left, gets mixed messages and the crumbs of a relationship.
• Another reason is that the leaver thinks that he or she can help the partner to 'get better'. This is an arrogance and feeds the passive needs of the victim who has been left. They confuse caring or fixing for attraction and committment.
• The one who is left behaves in a different way whilst separated and promises that they will behave like this, consistently, if only their partner will give them a chance. Sadly the relationship is often the very thing that triggers the old behaviour and so quickily you are back where you were. Any dysfunctional behaviour is best dealt with outside of a relationship, however if you put yourself first you could change your habits and most importantly, get dramatically different results, within a relationship, as long as your partner is willing to see how they contributed to its demise.

So in summary, be realistic when you consider returning to a relationship that wasn't working and that caused you pain.

Get very aware as to what you did that caused it to 'not work' and be careful about what communication you have with your ex. Be honest, is it, 'just what needs to happen' or are you attempting to 'stay close' to meet your own needs?

Only you know the truth.

For more on this and other decisions about intimacy go now to http://www.intimaterelationships.tv/

Tony and I are here to help you now, Nicki Vee x

To View This Weeks Video Go To One Of Tony & Nicki's Channels : YouTube, MySpace, Metacafe, Google, Break, DailyMotion, Blip.tv, Veoh, Crackle, Imeem and Howcast