Relationship Advice: Is It Possible To Love Too Much?

What is the most difficult habit to spot that will ruin your intimate relationships but seems like 'loving' behaviour?

The pattern of Loving Too Much.

This is most common in, but not exclusive to, women.

So what does it look like and why does it ruin intimate relationships?

Ok here is why its subtle. It looks like being the perfect partner. It looks like being loving, understanding, patient and caring.

You can spot 'Women Who Love Too much' because they always have a partner who has problems. Maybe he has addictions, or he has mood swings or habits that he 'can't help'. He is always sorry when he has been difficult, aggressive, silent or he has huge problems at work again. She always lets it go, puts him first, walks on egg shells, until the next time.

All her conversations are about his challenges, how he can be so fantastic and what can she do to help him when he isn't? How can she understand his problems more so that she can 'make him better'? All the magazines and books she reads are so that she can find things that may help his situation.

Mostly she says, "but I love him." THIS IS NOT LOVE. Its not anything like what real love is between two healthy human beings. This is dysfunctional, co dependant behaviour. Women Who Love Too Much need to understand their problem is as bad as his because they are allowing this negative energy to be present in their lives and often in the lives of their children. It is all about not feeling good enough. It is all about feeling fearful that he will fall apart without you. It is all about thinking he will change if you just do more for him.

Men who are drawn to women who do this are normally in a weakened state. They look for a strong woman to 'look after' them; Of course men who go to their woman with their problems are playing the victim and if she doesn't know any better she reacts to it by 'mothering' him. This will never give them a healthy relationship, polarity or attraction.

Men do 'loving too much' too. They look for women with problems to fix and then re-enforce the behaviour by always being there to help.

Both men and women who love too much are re-enforcing this victim behaviour by helping. It is best to leave your partner to find a solution for themselves or it will never end. And it will keep happening in any future relationships unless you stop and really understand your own pattern.

We had a woman here in Austria last weekend who summed it up for me. She made the classic remark, saying, "well who else was going to clear up the mess when he came home drunk, wrecked the place and was violently sick?"

Not you honey bunch thats for sure. When are you going to put you first? When are you going to stop waiting for him to change? When are you going to stop making excuses for him? When are you going to let him know this is unacceptable?

The best thing that happened was when she started to see that she was massively contributing to the problem. When she recognised her own pattern.

When my second husband was threatening suicide because I couldn't put up with it any longer his sister phoned me and said, "Its your fault". "What?" I screamed. "Yes," she said, "if you hadn't put up with his behaviour in the first place he would have had to get himself sorted out." Well whether he would of or not, I could have saved myself years of pain and anguish for me and my son if I'd had a good long hard look at me.

So if you recognise yourself as a woman (or man) who loves too much do get in touch so that we can help you find a more empowering way to live your life and a more healthy way to share your love with another human being.

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Sending you love,

Nicki Vee x

P.S. Recommended read - Women Who Love Too Much by Robyn Norwood.