Girls - Are You Ruining Your New Relationship? Your Blog Coach x

I have done two sessions today with two fabulous women both whom have been found by their 'Knight in Shining Armor' and where he has popped the question. They both told me how masculine and great he is and they both admitted to wanting to stay in control. And why, you are probably asking, would they do that when they know it is the No 1. thing that men hate!

A couple of reasons reared their ugly heads:-

Firstly, she believes its putting him too much under pressure. I do hope some of the men who are reading this will write in or add a comment to this blog to remind all women that men are not broken, they do not need protecting from problems and that actually they are 'solution machines' who can handle whatever you throw at them!

Secondly, she wants to retain control of something in case he screws up. In case he doesn't do it the way she would do it and in case that means she is left with nothing to 'worry about' or be responsible for! Again any red blooded male will tell you that he can sense you 'thinking, worrying and being responsible'. He can smell it if you don't trust him and he can feel it if you don't agree with his methods. And a question to you my fabulous feminine girlfriends - why would you want to have something to be responsible for or to worry about?

Most women who come to our Retreat here in Austria when they are asked to imagine a vision of their ultimate life and intimate relationship talk about being free to do what they love doing, they describe a man who protects them and who is a strong man who knows where he's going and knows what he's doing and they talk about feeling relaxed and calm. Not one of them has said I want to have to decide how to make enough money, I want him to come to me to sort out the problems, I want to have issues to worry about and to feel stressed and uncertain about him!

So why would these two fabulous women be doing this and frankly why would they ruin something that seemed to be their dream?

There is only one answer - HABIT.

We girls have been so programmed to be responsible, independent, strong and solution focused that we find it so difficult to let go and trust a man. Even though thats what we really want.

So the great thing about our coaching sessions was that I had the time to ask them some great questions like, how do you think he feels when you tell him that its ok you will make the arrangements/ sort it out/ solve the problem/make the decision? The answer is he feels redundant/ not trusted/ less than/ and worst of all that you don't need looking after. And that is what you desire, yearn for and deserve! A man to take care of you, protect you and cherish you and guess what if you are doing that for yourself he has no job.

So I hear you ask how do I break this habit? Well I said to these two women what would be the opposite of this behaviour? What do you know works that makes a man feel great, ready to take on the world including your problem!

They both knew the answers:-

So here are the answers, the 5 things, we call them the 5 A's, that will give you the life you want and will cause your relationship to be not just great but passionate, amazing, intimate and deeply 'in connection'.

1. Acknowledge Him. I know you have heard this before but are you doing it? And I don't just mean thanks for picking the kids/shopping/ dry cleaning up; I mean acknowledge how he handles arrangements/ a crisis/his business challenges/ his mother/ the burst pipe/you when you are difficult! Anything that makes him feel like he is fantastic and that you look up to him. (I always find that comparing him to all other men, favorably of course, works even better!)
2. Appreciate Him. Gratitude for the way he makes you feel will make him feel like a king amongst men. And I don't mean practical things like he makes you feel less stressed because he sorts your car out I mean you tell him he makes you feel like a princess, cherished like no other woman, special because you are his woman, fluttery when he walks through the door like a teenager, wobbly when he kisses you etc etc.
3. Adore Him. It is actually proven that when men are little boys they react most positively when a woman makes him feel like he is the best at what he does, when she 'puts him on a pedestal' and that is what he wants to have replicated in his adult intimate relationships. And if the truth is you don't really think he's worthy of a pedestal I have a question for you - what the hell are you doing staying with him? or are you just hyper critical and he just can't win with you? Whats the truth?
4. Admire Him. Much the same as Adore but slightly different, this is all about trusting him to handle everything, take notice of what he does well not what he doesn't, what you focus on you will get more of.... what are you most proud of about him? when did you last tell him that?
5. Ask Him Questions? Yes ask him for help.... after acknowledging, appreciating, adoring and admiring him like crazy give him all your problems! Yes, I mean it! You, I guarantee, will see a different man show up because he feels like you believe that he can handle any problem and that you trust him to do it! You see if he feels you trusting him he believes he can handle it. Men are very simple creatures they just want us to trust them and of course the other biggy is they just want us to be happy!

So, got it? So last question, on a scale of 0 - 10, 0 being you don't trust your man at all and you feel you need to control everything in order to feel safe and 10 is you know he is your rock and you trust him completely and you have mastered (or mistressed!) completely letting go and all the 5 A's where are you?

Wherever your score (unless you are a 10 in which case congratulations, I expect your relationship is at a 10 too) the next question is of course what needs to happen to get you to a 10?

My guess is the answer is in Trusting, Letting Go and Loads of Love.......

If you want to get even more info about how to make sure your new relationship (or your old one for that matter!) is as fabulous as you want it to be.....click here to go to our homepage on http://www.tonyandnickivee.com/ and click on The 7 Big Relationship Mistakes and this will give you our new f*ree complimentary report and will also tell you how to get our new product the 9 DVD set 'The 7 Big Relationship Solutions'.

Love, Nicki Vee x

Your Blog Coach x