What's Happening In The Bedroom? - Your Blog Coach x

One of Tony & my favourite sayings is, " whatever happens outside the bedroom will happen inside the bedroom"... not surprisingly most couples (and singles) find it difficult to talk about their 'intimate' life and so I thought it might be interesting and helpful to share with you part of a coaching session I did today.....

My client was firstly sharing how she and her partner had had an almighty row about money and how she had found herself feeling very uncertain about the future. They had disconnected massively because she had expressed her fears and he had felt that she didn't trust him to handle things. This is one of the most common reasons why couples disconnect. Its never going to be about 'the money' or 'the kids' or 'the driving' its always going to be about their underlying fears that cause all men and women to behave in a certain way - and its probably going to be how they always react, their individual patterns of behaviour.

This couple seems to have done pretty well because as I asked her she seemed very aware of her patterns of behaviour when stressed or uncertainin and she seemed to have also got herself in a good place after the bust up. It sounded as if he had too. Within only a few hours they had been able to 'talk' very openly about what had happened and how they felt and had used our 'what I learnt about me' tool to great effect.

So what is your pattern of behaviour when stressed or uncertain? Think about it for a moment, what do you do? what do you say? And what do you do to get yourself back in a good place?

If you cannot see your patterns and don't know what to do, talk to us now and we will recommend a product or coach or event that could help... tonyandnicki@tonyandnickivee.com

So, I hear you ask, what has all this got to do with the bedroom?

Well what was fascinating about this client was that then she went on to ask about the bedroom. She was explaining what the disconnect was there too. And low and behold guess what the challenge was? She quickly noticed that she goes into a place of uncertainty and he... well my hallucination is that he doesn't feel trusted to handle things! Sound familiar?

What is so common for women is that we have been so programmed and so used to 'needing to know what is going to happen' that inside or outside of the bedroom we tend to like to be 'in control'. This is suicide for intimacy and will only appeal to that very unusual group of men who actually like a woman to be 'dominant'!

And here's the really scary thing - your partner can tell what is going on for you!

What do I mean by that? well men can tell when a woman is 'trying to control in order to feel safe or certain' and women can tell if a man is not 'certain about himself' or is 'not knowing what to do'.

So what I said to this woman is that you need to do what you did so well 'outside the bedroom'. You need to realise your patterns and get yourself in a good state so that you are not stressed, 'in your head' or nervous AND here's the biggy... tell him the truth about how you are feeling.

My guess is that she will get the same great result that she is getting 'outside'... I'll let you know.

So notice how your patterns are the same in life and in intimacy and if you would like to chat through this personally and privately with either Tony or I, or both of us, please feel free to contact us on our private email... tnv@tonyandnickivee.com

Nicki Vee

Your Blog Coach x

www.tonyandnickivee.com