The Biggest Relationship Destroying Pattern.

If I had to name one thing that's running rampant, like a silent killer, through modern intimate relationships, I would name a specific learned human behaviour. This is not something inherent in all humans, it’s something we learn unconsciously and then we pass it on like the plague. We not only pass it down the line, father to son and mother to daughter, but we cross pollinate it as well. In fact society is so stricken with this debilitating behaviour that we even catch it through friends, teachers and by watching television. In fact nearly all of us have caught this epidemic and most of us don’t even realise it.

So what is this mystery killer of our relationship lives? When you see what it is, you won't think you have it and I can practically guarantee that you absolutely do. Some people will be infected more than others, with some it will more subtle and more difficult to spot, and with others it will be like a rampant cancer, clear for all to see.


So what is it?

It is the PATTERN OF BEING A VICTIM.

Here’s how it all works: Imagine that instead of there being one of you in your body there are in fact two. Look at it like this, if your name is Bob, for example, there is a 'Red Bob' and there is a 'Green Bob'. You, of course, just see yourself as plain old Bob, completely unaware that there are actually two of you sharing your body. Now these two Bob’s, resonate at different frequencies, as if they are two radio stations. 'Red Bob' gives off a frequency of 95.8FM and 'Green Bob' give off a frequency of 106.2FM. Now, what Bob simply does not realise is that he has a choice, in other words he can choose which Bob he is, either 'Red' or 'Green'. So, what's the difference between your 'Red' choice and your 'Green' choice?


Given the following choice, which would you choose?

'Red Bob' is stressed, he's not happy, life's not easy, his job, his finances and his relationships with family, spouse, children, well it's all a bit of a struggle, he’s always trying to get more, do more, have more things, yet there never seems enough time in the day, there’s always something that he needs to change. Bob also, throughout his life, has had things he's addicted to at some time or other, he smokes, he drinks, he's taken drugs, he’s often eaten too much and he's always wanting sex! It seems there is always something he's obsessed with doing. And all he really wants is that good feeling, yes that feeling he never seems to find, it seems like as he moves closer to it somehow it moves away from him, always just out of reach.


Now, 'Green Bob' he's a happy soul, his life is just perfect as it is, he feels abundant, joyous and he feels loved and loving, he has all he needs, no more no less, he's relaxed and he has a beautiful love filled intimate relationship, his children are never a challenge, nor are his other family members who he loves and respects just as they are. Life is easy, life is good, he loves what he does and enjoys every moment of every day, in effect he has it all, health, wealth and that ultimate good feeling of happiness and fulfilment.


So which Bob are you more like? Well incredibly, it's said that for every 100 humans alive on the planet today, 96 live a life similar to 'Red Bob' and only 4% have an experience like 'Green Bob'. Now why is that and surly if we have a choice we would all choose to have 'Green Bob's life?


So tell the truth - Are you inside your body looking out at a world that's doing things to you and giving you experiences and circumstances to deal with, many you would not choose to have? This is 'Red Bob's' world, the world of 'THE VICTIM', in other words, you believe life is happening to you from outside of yourself, you are simply at the 'effect' of life.

Now victims are complex creatures and they fall into two main categories. Some victims will tell you all about what's happening 'To Them', and if you listen closely you will hear them loud and clear. They will tell you stories of their ‘lot’ in life and notice that it's always happening to them, it's never their fault. The second type of victim tends to be quieter, more internal in an unhealthy way, they take responsibility for all their problems, they sit on a pity pot and are just plain miserable and of course it's their fault and they are trying everything but it simply isn’t working and everything is bad, but there’s nothing else they can do about it.


So could it be true 96% of the human population run some sort of victim pattern? Absolutely! So if that's true, what would be the opposite? What can we do differently?


So if it is true that we can choose our experiences, how would you start to have 'Green Bob's' life? Well firstly, you would have to really want it to be different and you would have to believe it is possible! Most of us have to suffer enough before we get to the point of taking action and we have to properly decide to take action to experience a different result!


So, I hear you ask, then what would be my next step? Well remember this is a journey. The truth is you have it all now, it's just you don't see it, you have to discover it. So the next step is the same as all the steps, its awareness, awareness and even more awareness. Yes, awareness of what's the truth, what's real and what's not.

It's about becoming conscious in every moment, 'Red Bob' is operating through his unconscious, so he is totally unaware. Recognise that you may be unconsciously incompetent, that means you don't realise what's happening and you don’t know what you don’t know! Awareness will bring you into consciousness. In other words, you see life with new eyes, see what other don't see, see it from a different perspective, see that you could choose a different experience. So then you will become consciously incompetent – now you know what you don’t know and what you are doing that's not working! Now you can see what you need to change. The next steps are easy.

When you become consciously competent – that is you know what you need to do differently and you start to do it as often as possible - you will start to get different results and references that 'this shit works'! and then lastly unconsciously competent – now you automatically do the things that get you the results you want.

So are you going to stay in VICTIM? With everything happening to you? Or are you going to decide now to take action and become master (or mistress) of your life?

It's your choice.

Tony Vee

www.tonyandnickivee.com

www.utube.com/tonyandnicki