Girls - Are You Ruining Your New Relationship? Your Blog Coach x

I have done two sessions today with two fabulous women both whom have been found by their 'Knight in Shining Armor' and where he has popped the question. They both told me how masculine and great he is and they both admitted to wanting to stay in control. And why, you are probably asking, would they do that when they know it is the No 1. thing that men hate!

A couple of reasons reared their ugly heads:-

Firstly, she believes its putting him too much under pressure. I do hope some of the men who are reading this will write in or add a comment to this blog to remind all women that men are not broken, they do not need protecting from problems and that actually they are 'solution machines' who can handle whatever you throw at them!

Secondly, she wants to retain control of something in case he screws up. In case he doesn't do it the way she would do it and in case that means she is left with nothing to 'worry about' or be responsible for! Again any red blooded male will tell you that he can sense you 'thinking, worrying and being responsible'. He can smell it if you don't trust him and he can feel it if you don't agree with his methods. And a question to you my fabulous feminine girlfriends - why would you want to have something to be responsible for or to worry about?

Most women who come to our Retreat here in Austria when they are asked to imagine a vision of their ultimate life and intimate relationship talk about being free to do what they love doing, they describe a man who protects them and who is a strong man who knows where he's going and knows what he's doing and they talk about feeling relaxed and calm. Not one of them has said I want to have to decide how to make enough money, I want him to come to me to sort out the problems, I want to have issues to worry about and to feel stressed and uncertain about him!

So why would these two fabulous women be doing this and frankly why would they ruin something that seemed to be their dream?

There is only one answer - HABIT.

We girls have been so programmed to be responsible, independent, strong and solution focused that we find it so difficult to let go and trust a man. Even though thats what we really want.

So the great thing about our coaching sessions was that I had the time to ask them some great questions like, how do you think he feels when you tell him that its ok you will make the arrangements/ sort it out/ solve the problem/make the decision? The answer is he feels redundant/ not trusted/ less than/ and worst of all that you don't need looking after. And that is what you desire, yearn for and deserve! A man to take care of you, protect you and cherish you and guess what if you are doing that for yourself he has no job.

So I hear you ask how do I break this habit? Well I said to these two women what would be the opposite of this behaviour? What do you know works that makes a man feel great, ready to take on the world including your problem!

They both knew the answers:-

So here are the answers, the 5 things, we call them the 5 A's, that will give you the life you want and will cause your relationship to be not just great but passionate, amazing, intimate and deeply 'in connection'.

1. Acknowledge Him. I know you have heard this before but are you doing it? And I don't just mean thanks for picking the kids/shopping/ dry cleaning up; I mean acknowledge how he handles arrangements/ a crisis/his business challenges/ his mother/ the burst pipe/you when you are difficult! Anything that makes him feel like he is fantastic and that you look up to him. (I always find that comparing him to all other men, favorably of course, works even better!)
2. Appreciate Him. Gratitude for the way he makes you feel will make him feel like a king amongst men. And I don't mean practical things like he makes you feel less stressed because he sorts your car out I mean you tell him he makes you feel like a princess, cherished like no other woman, special because you are his woman, fluttery when he walks through the door like a teenager, wobbly when he kisses you etc etc.
3. Adore Him. It is actually proven that when men are little boys they react most positively when a woman makes him feel like he is the best at what he does, when she 'puts him on a pedestal' and that is what he wants to have replicated in his adult intimate relationships. And if the truth is you don't really think he's worthy of a pedestal I have a question for you - what the hell are you doing staying with him? or are you just hyper critical and he just can't win with you? Whats the truth?
4. Admire Him. Much the same as Adore but slightly different, this is all about trusting him to handle everything, take notice of what he does well not what he doesn't, what you focus on you will get more of.... what are you most proud of about him? when did you last tell him that?
5. Ask Him Questions? Yes ask him for help.... after acknowledging, appreciating, adoring and admiring him like crazy give him all your problems! Yes, I mean it! You, I guarantee, will see a different man show up because he feels like you believe that he can handle any problem and that you trust him to do it! You see if he feels you trusting him he believes he can handle it. Men are very simple creatures they just want us to trust them and of course the other biggy is they just want us to be happy!

So, got it? So last question, on a scale of 0 - 10, 0 being you don't trust your man at all and you feel you need to control everything in order to feel safe and 10 is you know he is your rock and you trust him completely and you have mastered (or mistressed!) completely letting go and all the 5 A's where are you?

Wherever your score (unless you are a 10 in which case congratulations, I expect your relationship is at a 10 too) the next question is of course what needs to happen to get you to a 10?

My guess is the answer is in Trusting, Letting Go and Loads of Love.......

If you want to get even more info about how to make sure your new relationship (or your old one for that matter!) is as fabulous as you want it to be.....click here to go to our homepage on http://www.tonyandnickivee.com/ and click on The 7 Big Relationship Mistakes and this will give you our new f*ree complimentary report and will also tell you how to get our new product the 9 DVD set 'The 7 Big Relationship Solutions'.

Love, Nicki Vee x

Your Blog Coach x

The Biggest Relationship Destroying Pattern.

If I had to name one thing that's running rampant, like a silent killer, through modern intimate relationships, I would name a specific learned human behaviour. This is not something inherent in all humans, it’s something we learn unconsciously and then we pass it on like the plague. We not only pass it down the line, father to son and mother to daughter, but we cross pollinate it as well. In fact society is so stricken with this debilitating behaviour that we even catch it through friends, teachers and by watching television. In fact nearly all of us have caught this epidemic and most of us don’t even realise it.

So what is this mystery killer of our relationship lives? When you see what it is, you won't think you have it and I can practically guarantee that you absolutely do. Some people will be infected more than others, with some it will more subtle and more difficult to spot, and with others it will be like a rampant cancer, clear for all to see.


So what is it?

It is the PATTERN OF BEING A VICTIM.

Here’s how it all works: Imagine that instead of there being one of you in your body there are in fact two. Look at it like this, if your name is Bob, for example, there is a 'Red Bob' and there is a 'Green Bob'. You, of course, just see yourself as plain old Bob, completely unaware that there are actually two of you sharing your body. Now these two Bob’s, resonate at different frequencies, as if they are two radio stations. 'Red Bob' gives off a frequency of 95.8FM and 'Green Bob' give off a frequency of 106.2FM. Now, what Bob simply does not realise is that he has a choice, in other words he can choose which Bob he is, either 'Red' or 'Green'. So, what's the difference between your 'Red' choice and your 'Green' choice?


Given the following choice, which would you choose?

'Red Bob' is stressed, he's not happy, life's not easy, his job, his finances and his relationships with family, spouse, children, well it's all a bit of a struggle, he’s always trying to get more, do more, have more things, yet there never seems enough time in the day, there’s always something that he needs to change. Bob also, throughout his life, has had things he's addicted to at some time or other, he smokes, he drinks, he's taken drugs, he’s often eaten too much and he's always wanting sex! It seems there is always something he's obsessed with doing. And all he really wants is that good feeling, yes that feeling he never seems to find, it seems like as he moves closer to it somehow it moves away from him, always just out of reach.


Now, 'Green Bob' he's a happy soul, his life is just perfect as it is, he feels abundant, joyous and he feels loved and loving, he has all he needs, no more no less, he's relaxed and he has a beautiful love filled intimate relationship, his children are never a challenge, nor are his other family members who he loves and respects just as they are. Life is easy, life is good, he loves what he does and enjoys every moment of every day, in effect he has it all, health, wealth and that ultimate good feeling of happiness and fulfilment.


So which Bob are you more like? Well incredibly, it's said that for every 100 humans alive on the planet today, 96 live a life similar to 'Red Bob' and only 4% have an experience like 'Green Bob'. Now why is that and surly if we have a choice we would all choose to have 'Green Bob's life?


So tell the truth - Are you inside your body looking out at a world that's doing things to you and giving you experiences and circumstances to deal with, many you would not choose to have? This is 'Red Bob's' world, the world of 'THE VICTIM', in other words, you believe life is happening to you from outside of yourself, you are simply at the 'effect' of life.

Now victims are complex creatures and they fall into two main categories. Some victims will tell you all about what's happening 'To Them', and if you listen closely you will hear them loud and clear. They will tell you stories of their ‘lot’ in life and notice that it's always happening to them, it's never their fault. The second type of victim tends to be quieter, more internal in an unhealthy way, they take responsibility for all their problems, they sit on a pity pot and are just plain miserable and of course it's their fault and they are trying everything but it simply isn’t working and everything is bad, but there’s nothing else they can do about it.


So could it be true 96% of the human population run some sort of victim pattern? Absolutely! So if that's true, what would be the opposite? What can we do differently?


So if it is true that we can choose our experiences, how would you start to have 'Green Bob's' life? Well firstly, you would have to really want it to be different and you would have to believe it is possible! Most of us have to suffer enough before we get to the point of taking action and we have to properly decide to take action to experience a different result!


So, I hear you ask, then what would be my next step? Well remember this is a journey. The truth is you have it all now, it's just you don't see it, you have to discover it. So the next step is the same as all the steps, its awareness, awareness and even more awareness. Yes, awareness of what's the truth, what's real and what's not.

It's about becoming conscious in every moment, 'Red Bob' is operating through his unconscious, so he is totally unaware. Recognise that you may be unconsciously incompetent, that means you don't realise what's happening and you don’t know what you don’t know! Awareness will bring you into consciousness. In other words, you see life with new eyes, see what other don't see, see it from a different perspective, see that you could choose a different experience. So then you will become consciously incompetent – now you know what you don’t know and what you are doing that's not working! Now you can see what you need to change. The next steps are easy.

When you become consciously competent – that is you know what you need to do differently and you start to do it as often as possible - you will start to get different results and references that 'this shit works'! and then lastly unconsciously competent – now you automatically do the things that get you the results you want.

So are you going to stay in VICTIM? With everything happening to you? Or are you going to decide now to take action and become master (or mistress) of your life?

It's your choice.

Tony Vee

www.tonyandnickivee.com

www.utube.com/tonyandnicki

How To Be The Perfect Woman In Bed & Have Him Do What You Want!

So here's the thing - most women that come to me for help on their sex lives are talking about all the things he doesn't do. So why doesn't he do what you want?

There are probably 3 good reasons:-

• He doesn't feel like it - and that could be because of the way you talk to him inside and outside the bedroom.
• You are 'doing things' that make it difficult for him to be attracted to you - This most commonly is about you 'taking the lead'.
• He doesn't feel good about himself - this may be nothing to do with you but/and it could be!

So here are the Top 10 Don'ts for a woman - which if you stop doing them I can guarantee you will get the results you want.

Don't decide when to have sex - just get on with your life and wait..

Don't take the lead - this may seem alien to you but leading doesn't work..

Don't stay in your head - stop thinking and you will feel what he does to you..

Don't nag him about sex - stop questioning about no sex or too much sex etc..

Don't try and turn him on - if you do it will all be over quick

Don't focus on your orgasm - you may as well have an orgasm on your own

Don't visualise other men - he will be able to tell

Don't tell him what to do - he will decide what works, you just need to let him

Don't confuse sex with love - him having sex with you is not what you want

Don't try to control everything - trust your man or get out of the relationship

So how many of those don'ts do you do? Tell yourself the truth - every woman and man wants an experience in the bedroom that is loving and giving not what we call 'sexual athletics'

So the Do's:-

Do give your man time and space to make decisions for you both, in life and in the bedroom

Do tell him what you want intimately in a non demanding way

Do get yourself in a calm, loving state so that your man will be drawn to make love to you

Do relax and let him lead you in the bedroom and during sex

Do keep quiet and still so that he can guide you to a healthy beautiful orgasm

Do tell him how much you love what he does, again inside and outside the bedroom

Do look up to him, literally, you being on top is a bad sign!

Do be feminine; this is soft, gentle, allowing and trusting

Do let go, being tense will give you a sexual experience instead of a loving one

Do keep your attention on your man, not the kids, not the shopping or work!

So there you go, in my own experience I did all the don'ts in my former relationships and the results I got were either no sex or lots of unhealthy sex which I did not feel good about. Since being with Tony I have learnt exactly what works for me and him and have done the Do's most of the time which has given us a beautiful and long lasting making love life!

Do you want more information? Tony & I are covering the Do's and Don'ts for men and women in more detail over the next 4 TNTV videos. See us now on www.youtube.com/tonyandnicki

Or if you want to talk to us personally and privately email us on tnv@tonyandnickivee.com

Love, Nicki Vee x

The Love, Sex & Intimacy Quiz – Ten Questions To Identify Where Your Love Life Is!

When it comes down to it, the facts are, in today’s world, many people’s intimate relationship lives are not giving them the pleasure they seek. The reasons are complex and numerous of course, yet at the top of the list of fundamentals is the basic fact that our knowledge and understanding of how to live in a fantastic intimate relationship is minimal.

In this world, where education is seen as the key to having a great life the subject of intimate relationships seems to have been forgotten when it came to deciding the subjects on the curriculum. Yes, just because you are as sharp as a cat, or as wise as an owl, or even if you have a filing cabinet of a brain, intellect does not guarantee that you will experience love, sex and intimacy the way you really want to.

A quick look at the western world divorce stats reveals the true disaster that is overwhelming modern relationships. And if you really want a jolt, know that swapping relationships does not work either. The second marriage divorce stats are floating around the 75% failure rate! So why would that be? Could it be we jump ship to a new and exciting relationship primarily for better intimacy and sex? When in reality we are going from the fire to the frying pan! Because the real reason it all did not go the way we wanted in the first place is a blatant lack of knowledge and understanding of our own needs and the needs of our partner.

An even more scary thought is that many people find it easier to go to a lawyer than ask for professional help! Or they simply ask their friends and family for advice, when to be honest for the most part they know no better. So what is the answer to the demise of modern relationships? Well if you go to a real estate agent and ask ‘what’s the most important thing about a house', they would say, location, location, location. Play that against intimate relationships and you would say education, education, education.

So where do you start? Well the first thing to do is find out where you are now, what do you know, what are you great at and what are you doing less well. Also knowing clearly what you want is paramount. Then it’s simple, if you know where you are and you know where you want to go, you just need a plan of how to get from A to B.
The purpose of this article is to help you identify where you are now, below is a series of 10 questions, 10 for singles and 10 for those in a relationship. Just score yourself on a scale of 0 – 10 for each question and add up your score. If you don’t understand the question, best give yourself 0 for that question.

The scoring system is simple, if you score between 0 – 69 you are in danger of having bad relationship experiences until you take some action and get properly educated. If you score between 70 -89, you're doing ‘OK’, no doubt things could be better. Home in on your weak points and get professional help. If you score 90 or more, congratulations, seems you have it licked and are likely to be having a pretty good experience; however complacency is not to be overlooked, keep finding ways to experience the very best for you both.

Tony & Nicki Vee
http://www.tonyandnickivee.com/
www.youtube.com/tonyandnicki

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Love Sex & Intimacy Quiz – I’m Single

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Question 1.
I WOULD CURRENTLY SCORE MY OWN LIFE, ON A SCALE OF 0 – 10, AT A…?

Assess the ANSWER to this QUESTION by giving yourself a score between 0 and 10, 0 being ‘ITS CRAP’ and 10 being ‘ITS FANTASTIC’

Question 2.
I KNOW THAT I AM LIVING IN MY TRUE MALE/FEMALE ENERGY…

Assess the LEVEL OF TRUTH OF THIS STATEMENT by giving yourself a score between 0 and 10, 0 being ‘NOT AT ALL’ and 10 being ‘COMPLETELY’

Question 3.
THE TRUTH IS I AM ADDICTED TO SEX OR RELATIONSHIPS…

Firstly CHOOSE ONE OF THESE (sex or relationships) and then give yourself a score between 0 and 10, 0 being ‘ ITS TRUE I’M ADDICTED’ AND 10 BEING ‘NOT ADDICTED AT ALL’

Question 4.
I UNDERSTAND WHAT THE OPPOSITE SEX REALLY WANTS…

Assess the LEVEL OF TRUTH OF THIS STATEMENT by giving yourself a score between 0 and 10, 0 being ‘NOT AT ALL’ and 10 being ‘COMPLETELY’

Question 5.
I CAN CLEARLY SEE HOW MY BEHAVIOUR NEGATIVELY AFFECTED MY PAST RELATIONSHIPS

Assess the LEVEL OF TRUTH OF THIS STATEMENT by giving yourself a score between 0 and 10, 0 being ‘CANNOT SEE IT AT ALL’ and 10 being ‘CAN SEE IT VERY CLEARLY’

Question 6.
I BELIEVE I KNOW HOW TO CONSISTENTLY EXPERIENCE A FULFILLING ‘SEX LIFE

Assess the LEVEL OF TRUTH OF THIS STATEMENT by giving yourself a score between 0 and 10, 0 being ‘VERY LOW LEVEL OF BELIEF’ and 10 being ‘VERY HIGH LEVEL OF BELIEF’

Question 7.
I’M ABLE TO ATTRACT THE RIGHT KIND OF MAN/WOMAN FOR ME…

Assess the LEVEL OF TRUTH OF THIS STATEMENT by giving yourself a score between 0 and 10, 0 being ‘NEVER ABLE’ and 10 being ‘ALWAYS ABLE’

Question 8.
I FIND THE DATING GAME DIFFICULT AND FRAUGHT WITH PROBLEMS…

Assess the LEVEL OF TRUTH OF THIS STATEMENT by giving yourself a score between 0 and 10, 0 being ‘ALWAYS’ and 10 being ‘NEVER’

Question 9.
I BELIEVE THAT I HAVE A COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT ‘LOVE’ REALLY MEANS…

Assess the LEVEL OF TRUTH OF THIS STATEMENT by giving yourself a score between 0 and 10, 0 being ‘VERY LOW LEVEL OF BELIEF’ and 10 being ‘VERY HIGH LEVEL OF BELIEF’

Question 10.
HOW HAVE YOUR PAST RELATIONSHIPS ENDED?

Assess the ANSWER to this QUESTION by giving yourself a score between 0 and 10, 0 being ‘VERY PAINFULLY’ and 10 being ‘AMICABLY’

What's Your Total Score
Danger 0 - 69 Caution 70 - 89 Doing Great 90+

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Love Sex & Intimacy Quiz - I’m In A Relationship

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Question 1.
I WOULD CURRENTLY SCORE MY OWN LIFE, ON A SCALE OF 0 – 10, AT A…?

Assess the ANSWER to this QUESTION by giving yourself a score between 0 and 10, 0 being ‘ITS CRAP’ and 10 being ‘ITS FANTASTIC’

Question 2.
I KNOW THAT I AM LIVING IN MY TRUE MALE/FEMALE ENERGY

Assess the LEVEL OF TRUTH OF THIS STATEMENT by giving yourself a score between 0 and 10, 0 being ‘NOT AT ALL’ and 10 being ‘COMPLETELY’

Question 3.
I THINK ABOUT LEAVING THIS RELATIONSHIP…

Assess the LEVEL OF TRUTH OF THIS STATEMENT by giving yourself a score between 0 and 10, 0 being ‘CONSTANTLY’ and 10 being ‘NEVER’

Question 4.
I UNDERSTAND WHAT THE OPPOSITE SEX REALLY WANTS…

Assess the LEVEL OF TRUTH OF THIS STATEMENT by giving yourself a score between 0 and 10, 0 being ‘NOT AT ALL’ and 10 being ‘COMPLETELY’

Question 5.
HOW MUCH DO YOU ARGUE?

Assess the ANSWER to this QUESTION by giving yourself a score between 0 and 10, 0 being ‘ALL THE TIME’ and 10 being ‘NEVER’

Question 6.
I CAN CLEARLY SEE HOW MY BEHAVIOUR NEGATIVELY AFFECTS MY RELATIONSHIP….

Assess the LEVEL OF TRUTH OF THIS STATEMENT by giving yourself a score between 0 and 10, 0 being ‘CANNOT SEE IT AT ALL’ and 10 being ‘CAN SEE IT VERY CLEARLY’

Question 7.
THE TRUTH IS WE LEAD SEPARATE LIVES AND DON’T SPEND QUALITY TIME TOGETHER …

Assess the LEVEL OF TRUTH OF THIS STATEMENT by giving yourself a score between 0 and 10, 0 being ‘TOTALLY TRUE’ and 10 being ‘NOT TRUE AT ALL’

Question 8.
I BELIEVE I KNOW HOW TO CONSISTENTLY EXPERIENCE A FULFILLING ‘SEX LIFE’…

Assess the LEVEL OF TRUTH OF THIS STATEMENT by giving yourself a score between 0 and 10, 0 being ‘VERY LOW LEVEL OF BELIEF’ and 10 being ‘VERY HIGH LEVEL OF BELIEF’

Question 9.
I HAVE BEEN UNFAITHFUL (PHYSICALLY OR EMOTIONALLY)…

Assess the LEVEL OF TRUTH OF THIS STATEMENT by giving yourself a score between 0 and 10, 0 being ‘MANY TIMES’ and 10 being ‘NEVER’

Question 10.
I BELIEVE THAT I HAVE A COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT ‘LOVE’ REALLY MEANS…

Assess the LEVEL OF TRUTH OF THIS STATEMENT by giving yourself a score between 0 and 10, 0 being ‘VERY LOW LEVEL OF BELIEF’ and 10 being ‘VERY HIGH LEVEL OF BELIEF’

What's Your Total Score
Danger 0 - 69 Caution 70 - 89 Doing Great 90+

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If you are looking for a way to get you score higher please contact us at
tnv@tonyandnickivee.com
www.tonyandnickivee.com
www.youtube.com/tonyandnicki

How To Be The Perfect Man In Bed...

We all want a great experience in the bedroom, don't we?! And the truth is no one taught us the 'How'! It seems we were left to our own devises to work it all out and...that's so often not a good way to learn any subject let alone love, sex and intimacy. No wonder the divorce rate is so high and no wonder the amount of infidelity is sky high.

The first thing, if you really want to get this area of your life to be the best it can be, is to score yourself! Yes, what's the truth, how good are you in the bedroom? Use a scale from 0 - 10. If you score yourself 0 this means you believe you are totally crap in bed and if you score yourself 10, you believe you are masterful.

So what did you score?

Now here's the thing, being masterful in bed would start by understanding a woman’s, and in particular your woman’s, needs completely. Because being fantastic in bed is not all about you, it's about a shared experience. Now it goes without saying all men want to be fantastic in bed, so here is a list of do's and don'ts to make it real simple to get you started.

The Don't Evers That Turn Women Off...


Don't try to have sex just because you need it
Don't plead for or ask permission for sex
Don't focus only on what you want
Don't focus on your own orgasm
Don't have it all over in 3 minutes
Don't just make it a sexual experience
Don't just turn over and go to sleep afterwards
Don't just leave it all to her
Don't visualise other women
Don't just do it occasionally

Do these and you woman will want more...

Do take control of time, place and environment
Do be romantic, kind, and caring towards her
Do be the leader, the real man she wants
Do kiss her - a lot!
Do talk to her, tell her everything you love about her
Do take your time
Do focus on her all the time
Do help her to relax and let go
Do remain none sexual for best results
Do synchronise your breathing

Use the above lists like a check list, tick which of the 'Don't list' you do and which on the 'Do's list' you do, this will give you a real idea of the score you should be giving yourself.


Now utilise the 'Do list' to start to change things around and get better results. And if you get expert in all of the ten Do's and forget all of the 10 Don'ts, it will be akin in bed to 'lighting the touch paper and standing back to watch the fireworks'....

Most of all make it fun....
Happy Lovemaking

Tony Vee

PS. If you need help in your intimate life, man or woman, you know where to come, no pun intended, we are here to help! Couples that have been struggling with little or no intimacy have, whilst learning our philosophy, ended up like young lovers again.

PPS. You can get our book 'Multiple Orgasms with Ease & Elegance' on Amazon or direct from Trafford the publisher for a faster service.

I want The Book From Amazon
I Want The Book Direct From The Publisher (for a faster service)
http://www.tonyandnickivee.com/
http://youtube.com/tonyandnicki

What's Happening In The Bedroom? - Your Blog Coach x

One of Tony & my favourite sayings is, " whatever happens outside the bedroom will happen inside the bedroom"... not surprisingly most couples (and singles) find it difficult to talk about their 'intimate' life and so I thought it might be interesting and helpful to share with you part of a coaching session I did today.....

My client was firstly sharing how she and her partner had had an almighty row about money and how she had found herself feeling very uncertain about the future. They had disconnected massively because she had expressed her fears and he had felt that she didn't trust him to handle things. This is one of the most common reasons why couples disconnect. Its never going to be about 'the money' or 'the kids' or 'the driving' its always going to be about their underlying fears that cause all men and women to behave in a certain way - and its probably going to be how they always react, their individual patterns of behaviour.

This couple seems to have done pretty well because as I asked her she seemed very aware of her patterns of behaviour when stressed or uncertainin and she seemed to have also got herself in a good place after the bust up. It sounded as if he had too. Within only a few hours they had been able to 'talk' very openly about what had happened and how they felt and had used our 'what I learnt about me' tool to great effect.

So what is your pattern of behaviour when stressed or uncertain? Think about it for a moment, what do you do? what do you say? And what do you do to get yourself back in a good place?

If you cannot see your patterns and don't know what to do, talk to us now and we will recommend a product or coach or event that could help... tonyandnicki@tonyandnickivee.com

So, I hear you ask, what has all this got to do with the bedroom?

Well what was fascinating about this client was that then she went on to ask about the bedroom. She was explaining what the disconnect was there too. And low and behold guess what the challenge was? She quickly noticed that she goes into a place of uncertainty and he... well my hallucination is that he doesn't feel trusted to handle things! Sound familiar?

What is so common for women is that we have been so programmed and so used to 'needing to know what is going to happen' that inside or outside of the bedroom we tend to like to be 'in control'. This is suicide for intimacy and will only appeal to that very unusual group of men who actually like a woman to be 'dominant'!

And here's the really scary thing - your partner can tell what is going on for you!

What do I mean by that? well men can tell when a woman is 'trying to control in order to feel safe or certain' and women can tell if a man is not 'certain about himself' or is 'not knowing what to do'.

So what I said to this woman is that you need to do what you did so well 'outside the bedroom'. You need to realise your patterns and get yourself in a good state so that you are not stressed, 'in your head' or nervous AND here's the biggy... tell him the truth about how you are feeling.

My guess is that she will get the same great result that she is getting 'outside'... I'll let you know.

So notice how your patterns are the same in life and in intimacy and if you would like to chat through this personally and privately with either Tony or I, or both of us, please feel free to contact us on our private email... tnv@tonyandnickivee.com

Nicki Vee

Your Blog Coach x

www.tonyandnickivee.com

Why Women Don't Trust Men

A woman that does not trust her man. This is the biggest challenge men face in their intimate relationships. Often confused and worn down by this phenomenon, men most commonly move away from a woman that does not trust them. Their favourite escapes are the golf course, other chosen sporting activities or the pub. Anywhere to be with other men, often to consume alcohol so that they feel some relief from the pressure. Some men surprisingly move towards other women, this of course, is the very thing his woman fears.

So whose fault is it? Is it her for not trusting in the first place? Or his because he is not trustworthy? The truth is probably both and if I had to sway one side, I say it starts with the men. No! I hear the men shout, why my fault? Well here's the thing, if you don't want your woman 'playing up', nagging you all the time and driving you nuts, you need to understand what she needs! And that's not changing that light bulb that's been out for ages that she persistently goes on and on about...

You see, women have what we call 'core needs'. These are needs of the feminine part of her and incidentally nothing to do with what she is nagging you about. What all, and I mean all women are looking for, even if they say they are not, is a strong man! Yes innate to the human female is her inner unconscious need to feel safe and protected by a man. Now, originally, like many other animals on the planet this was definitely the job of the male. Interestingly as the human mind has evolved we seem to have forgotten this innate need, well at least logically. Feminism and equality, whilst seemingly a logical and intelligent way forward, has forgotten that underlying that left brain logic is a deep programmed yet forgotten human need. Yes, inside each and every female there is an ancient creature, whose needs must be catered for and if they're not, trouble abounds.

Look at it like this, the ancient part of a woman that needs to feel safe and protected, is looking to her man to perform this task. Now if the man shows up short on this, what she does most commonly is to 'protect herself'. Now there are many different styles that have evolved to achieve this 'self preservation', the most common, is to take charge herself, be the boss or the matriarch! And this will include telling her man what to do or at minimum making helpful suggestions. Other women will go more passive, consistently playing the guilt or victim card, "you never do anything for me" type stuff. The challenge is that these strategies have a very negative effect on men. Men in turn, depending on the man, will respond in different ways. Some will move away to escape, looking externally for his needs to be met, some may even get aggressive verbally or even physically. Others will go passive, more internal, shutting down and go for the easy, quiet life and accept her taking charge or telling him what to do.

The thing most women don't understand is that all men, and I mean all men, if they were to tell women the truth, absolutely hate a woman telling them what to do, yes, we hate it with a vengeance!

So what's to be done? Well if men are to go first, the missing ingredient is for a man to be certain in himself. A man that knows where he is going is fearless, on his purpose and strong; yet also caring, kind and loving to his woman. The truth is that men with these qualities are rare in today’s world hence women take charge because, in so many relationships, the women is more certain than her man. These reversed role relationships are all doomed to failure at some level. Most will end up in the divorce courts if they married, many will have infidelity and none will experience that deep sense of love and passion that we all desire to have in our lives, inside and outside of the bedroom.

As for women what can they do for their part? Well, they could learn new strategies that empower their man, strategies that include acknowledging his achievements, showing appreciation for what he does and communicating her positive feelings towards him. This may seem madness if he isn't showing up at present in a great way, but, magically, if women use these techniques men grow in stature, become more 'present' and are drawn to spend more intimate time.

If you have any difficulties, men or women, do ask us for help and we'll give you more details of our strategies and techniques. I know you will be truly amazed at the results.

Tony Vee

PS. Nicki and I teach singles and couples how to get it right. We teach men how to be real men and women how to be their real feminine self, not some archetype 'Barbie Doll' - a real woman. If you need help because you keep getting results less than you really desire feel free to contact us.


tnv@tonyandnickivee.com

http://www.tonyandnickivee.com/

www.youtube.com/tonyandnicki

Jealousy - A Big Issue - Your Blog Coach x

I thought you may be interested in a coaching session I did yesterday about the issue of jealousy.

I have stripped out lots that was confidential and/or may not be relevant to everyone and just left the bare bones. If this issue is prevalent in your relationship either because you or your partner are jealous some of these questions and this philosophy may help - it certainly helped this woman whose relationship was being destroyed by her partners jealousy.

Firstly she asked me a question - what is jealousy? - I don't understand it even!

I explained my beliefs about it - ok I believe its just a pattern of behaviour and thoughts that only happens in someone who doesn't feel good enough about him/herself and doesn't believe that they are totally lovable....
If you are jealous you must be believing that someone else is more blessed than you or that they are somehow better than you....my guess is that you (or whoever) has no clue as to what the person who you are jealous of is really experiencing too...

She explained - My boyfriend has a real challenge with my male friends and sees them all as a threat, if i get a text with a x on the end then it creates a problem...

I asked - is his jealousy justified by how you talk to other men? If you are too intimate it may be that he has a point! If its just natural, healthy connection then the last thing you want to do is 'change' to stop his jealousy... because its not good to re- inforce this behaviour...or you will be on egg shells all your life with him...if you 'change' to stop his 'irrational fear' you are 'giving into it' and you will always have to 'be careful' around this man...

And bluntly if he runs jealousy (for no good reason) thats his shit...and if you try to stop it happening you are not being you...so the relationship is not based on truth and it is unlikely to last!

She sighed and said - no i'm not...being me..

I applauded her realisation and said - good, so what would you say to him now if you speaking your whole truth? because if he can't handle YOU....the real you... could it be that he isn't the right man for you?...you see when you are you he has 2 choices - handle it or not? of course if you are frightened of loosing him....

She hesitated and said .... mmm maybe I am...

I carried on to encourage her to go inside for the real truth about this situation... and asked her - Could it be that he isn't being the real him as well? so far you may only know 'the him in fear'.... are you prepared to committ to a long term relationship with someone who is fearful? Jealousy is fear by the way... and just whilst we're delving - were your previous relationships jealous?

She gasped....Yes, both were and the 2 before them!

So its your pattern too honey.... if he does jealousy and anger what are you doing?

She thought for a moment and then said - I venture into the world of passive, keep my mouth shut and hope it won't last long - doesn't sound good does it?

I asked Tony what makes a man do jealousy? he explained - if a man is jealous he feels insecure about himself and is afraid of loosing you... that is not healthy... its all low energy and from fear... notice that anger and passive behaviour is all the same it just looks different... fear of loosing is attachment and will just cause more fear...and you see walking on egg shells is worrying how he will react all the time....

I asked her - have you thought about the affect of this on the kids? I bet you think they don't know whats going on yes?

She replied - Ouch!

Because could it be that they can feel the low energy in the house and in you?and do you know that ALL KIDS copy you in energy and behaviour...they pick up everything, even what you are not telling them...

I asked her - so what are you going to do?

She said - Be me......

and if he doesn't like the friendly slightly flirty you who is good with x's on her texts?

She admitted - Not sure....

So what kind of person stays in a relationship like that? And what kind of person who knows this is messing up their kids carries on? something to think about...but do you want the good news?

She said, of course, - Yes Please!!

You could solve this easily...if you just don't 'get got' by his jealousy...don't react to it in any way...tell him you are going to be you and that if he doesn't like your behaviour well maybe he needs to find someone else.... and mean it... but to do that you would have to NOT be afraid of loosing him... you see you have to set your boundaries or you will constantly be 'walking on egg shells'

She positively yelped.... Ok I've got it! I can't change him but I can be me - the person he fell in love with funnily enough!!!

Yes all you have to do is be you and NOT IN FEAR, that would mean telling him all your truth and not changing if he gets angry or jealous or anything....I cannot tell you how fabulous it is to be with a man who is completely certain in himself and to feel that I can be the whole of me warts and all....

the worst that can happen is that he is not the man for you because he is too in fear... and so you will be saved from a lifetime of well... shit!! and so will your kids....only time will tell as to whether he can handle the real you and your 'healthy' needs, my guess is you will find out pretty quick…. lots of love and keep me posted!

I trust this has been helpful to anyone suffering from jealousy....

Nicki Vee
Your Blog Coach x

P.S. Want someone to ask you questions on your issue? Or want to understand the opposite sex more? - Contact us and we will recommend the perfect coach for you.... tnv@tonyandnickivee.com or go to http://www.tonyandnickivee.com/ for our products.

From Unconscious To A Conscious Relationship

In my past relationships I was often so frustrated with my partner she never seemed to want to do things the way I wanted to do them, she always wanted things to go her way - have you ever experienced that?

Oh my, the pain, the anguish; in the end I gave up and just did it all her way, well no doubt I had the odd moment of doing it my way. What of course I now so understand and blatantly did not understand then was that both of us were operating unconsciously. Now, I here you say, what does that mean? Well one of the most simple ways to put it is, we were both like horses with blinkers on. We were seeing only a portion of what life has to offer and arguing that the way we individually saw things was the right way and in many cases we believed ‘the only way’.

All that happened to me, my epiphany moment, was I metaphorically took my blinkers off and became AWARE for the first time of the endless possibilities our lives offer us; instead of my believing my own narrow blinkered view being the only way to see things.

This awareness is tantamount to raising your level of consciousness and when you do that you see things with a totally new perspective and get a different experience, as do other from you, it's actually like magic. I can now look back and see everything as clear as if I had had cataracts removed from my eyes.

So how can we all experience a greater level of consciousness in our relationships? Well a great place to start is to become aware of what you do and say, the way you do and say it and the effect it has on others. See with open eyes how what you do affects others, do other people consistently move towards you? Do they want to share time with you and be loving to you? If not, the most likely reason is because you are not acting that way yourself. If you are really open to this it will start to raise your awareness and the more conscious you are of your patterns of language and behaviour the more you will see how this will have a direct affect on the experience you are having.

Have fun becoming aware, and remember, the more love you feel and the more love you share and give to others the more your own cup will overflow.

Sharing Love

Tony Vee

www.tonyandnickivee.com

Eat Your Way To Passion! - Your Blog Coach x

Something has happened to Tony and my relationship in the past few weeks and it has made it even better!

Could the unusual step we have taken, that is not normally associated with finding or improving intimate relationships be the very thing that will help you?

So what is it? well it's about eating!!

We made a decision 3 weeks ago that we would have more energy, feel fitter, get less tired, be there more for our family, friends and customers IF we ate healthier food. What we didn't expect was the massive impact it has had on our connection, polarity and intimacy!

Its seems like because we are in even better energy each day that it is easier to meet each others needs, easier to stay connected when challenges come up and it feels like we are more in sinc... can't explain why that is but it feels fantastic!

So my belief is that it is critical to a healthy passionate relationship!

And that applies whether you are 'in selection mode' or have been married 35 years!

So think about it... could what you eat (and drink) have a direct link to the level of passion and intimacy in your life?

We are certain it does....

So if you now want to change your eating and drinking habits and get some real passion in your life here are some questions/tips/hints from your Blog Coach....

• My favourite, simplest way to decide what to eat that I heard from the fabulous Louise Hay years ago is:- "Will this Cleanse me or Clog me?"
• If you feel drawn to unhealthy food (this is usually because we become addicted to it in some way) Ask yourself the question, ' What is making me eat this now? is it for comfort? is it just a habit? is it for connection? is it a treat? what need is it meeting? what could I do differently?
• Tony always talks about our addiction to sugar - he says it is 'just your bugs'! yes its a fact if we eat food containing sugar (which is nearly all processed foods nowadays) we have bugs living inside us that feed off more sugar so its not you that craves it its your bugs... (nice thought!)
• Final question - What would your life be like if you had more energy? What would you do differently? Who might you attract? What might come into your life that you never thought possible?

So, I wish for you the kind of relationship that we are enjoying each and every day....

If you want assistance with your eating habits or any other habits for that matter! please do contact us, Tony and I are happy to have a private chat.

Love Nicki Vee x

P.S. Contact us on tnv@tonyandnickivee.com or on 0043 2758 5005

www.tonyandnickivee.com

Investing In Your Most Important Asset - YOU!!!

Remember that famous saying 'When the going gets tough, the tough get going'... Yes when companies get pushed for cash and times are hard, the ones that survive INVEST. The ones that don't make it stop what their good at and focus on cutting back.

Now when tough times hit you as an individual, of course make economies, no one is saying go on a spending spree, you have to be inteligent - and inteligence includes being open to new ideas and oppotunites. The very word open says it all, if you are closed and shut off to new ideas then things are most likely to get tougher. It would be a little like a shop keeper having 'closed' on his door and half the lights off to save on electricty, how likely is it you are going to buy from him? - that's right it just makes things worse.

I say all this because today someone cancelled an event because times have got tough. The event is putting aside a week to work on his Vision & Purpose. Currently he does not have one and is and has been floudering around for years. Now is cancelling and worrying about cash going to change his life long pattern? - It's unlikly. Will dedicating a week to getting a plan for life be likley to supercharge his life so he see's the world with a new perspective? - most definitely.

So the point is 'Why put your life on hold' - oppotunities and possibilities come to those that are open to them... Which camp are you in?
Here is an excerpt from a mail I got today from a hugely successful man - it's worth a quick read...

You have probably heard the old adage, If you fail to plan, you plan to fail! This may be an old adage, but it is just as up to date today as it was in the past. People who fail to plan set themselves up for failure. When i was 20 my first head chef said to me that, If you do not plan your life, you let other people plan it. And you live someone else's dream! I realized then how significant that is, and now I realize it even more.

When I was 21 years old, I began my Master Plan for my plan for life. That head chef asked me to write a plan for one hundred years! He has passed away, but I if I could I would hug him today. He has made a significant difference in my life, a huge impact on my life, because of this Master Plan!

Tony Vee

PS. So what's your plan?

http://www.tonyandnickivee.com/

We All Just Wanna Have Fun - Your Blog Coach x

Yes, I spoke to two people today, one man and one woman and I suddenly realised that one of the things both men and women do is take it all too seriously!

The girl I spoke to is at a great time of her life, the world is literally her oyster, she is free to go wherever she wants, do whatever she pleases and spend time with whoever she likes BUT like so many of us she didn't see it that way and so she was in worry, doubt, regret, sadness, unforgiveness and holding onto a past relationship...all this giving her emotional and physical pain....

So what happened? well after only a few questions about what this was costing her (and of course the answer was 'everything she'd ever wanted) about the signals she is giving off (this was never going to attract anyone, clients or men!) and probably most importantly the question...why would she do this to herself on a consistent basis.... (of course the answer is I have absolutely no clue) a miracle occurred!

The breakthrough happened, the sun came out and she began to laugh at herself and the state she had got herself into when she realised that she was getting something from this 'issue', she was safe in 'her problem', she knew she had become an expert at beating herself up.... and then suddenly she knew it was over and that what she really wanted was to wake up excited about life, inspired by her work, showing up as a fun person to be around, happy inside herself and who knows a new romance... soon?

But the how? simple - she realised its just about letting go, changing focus, caring for herself like at no other time in her life, surrounding herself with things she loves.... the list was endless....

So is it true that we can all have what we want? Tony & I believe the answer is, Yes definitely! if you don't take yourself too seriously, don't get wound up in your problems and you do have fun!!

So if you are in the mire, or stuck, or waking up each morning with a weight on your shoulders, in limbo, or with a gut renching pain in your stomach....

Get in touch quick... we can help... we understand AND even more importantly we will help you by asking questions that will help YOU make the changes you need to make to stop this pattern now, and to have the feelings, fun, passion and love in your life that you want and deserve.

Call us on 0043 2758 5005 or email us on tnv@tonyandnickivee.com

Love Nicki Vee x

Your Blog Coach

P.S. The guy I spoke to today was having a completely different experience and guess what same symptoms! stress, worry, anxiousness, sleeplessness.... so same solution.... once he understood and accepted his pattern he knew what to do! he put himself first, took action and had a long term plan.... and got an excellent result... his energy changed immediately and the effect on his woman was miraculous.... he had been making one of the 7 Big Mistakes... are you?

To find out go to http://www.tonyandnickivee.com/

Men - Invented To Lead

This Blog is to commend a guy who, having listened to our free stuff, realised why his 15 year marriage was simply not working and why she wanted to quit! You know when you have an 'AHA' moment, one of those moments when the penny drops, well this was a massive one for this guy and one many many men could benifit from having themselves. You see, so many men are disconnected from their woman right down to the point where sex is rare to not happening at all, which believe it or not is NOT good for anyone, despite what some may think.

My commendation for this guy in particular, is that once he realised he was meant to be the leader in his failing relationship he what I call STEPPED UP TO THE PLATE and he has started the process of turning it around by asking for help and so far so good, both he and his woman are feeling better already... how cool is that?

So if you are a guy with marital challenges, feel free to ask me for help, I do have the answers that will get you fantastic results fast..

Mail me on tnv@tonyandnickivee.com

Tony Vee

PS. There is no time like NOW! so as the saying goes - Just Do It!

www.tonyandnickivee.com